Be Strong
by crispysoupchef
Summary: Something is wrong. Very, very wrong. Raven's got herself in a bad situation and needs Chelsea's help to get out of it. FEMSLASH. If you don't like it, don't read it. I lack sufficient patience to deal with ignorant flamers who can't read warnings.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Be Strong

AUTHOR: crispysoupchef

RATING: M for language, femslash, sexual content in later chapters

DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, I don't own it. If it's new, I made it up. If it offends you, stop reading it.

Be Strong

"I told you, you're MY girl! You belong to me, and when I tell you to do something, you damn well do it!"

"Carlos, please, baby, listen, I do want to go out with you tonight, I do! I just really need to finish this assignment first…"

"You think I care shit about some stupid fucking assignment? I told you, we're leaving. Now! Now get your ass downstairs and in the car!"

The raised voices were coming from Raven's room as I let myself in the front door, and I knew I had to do something. Normally Victor would have been all over the disturbance like a bad suit, armed with a ladle or something equally as threatening, but he and Tania had been spending a lot more time together out of town since Cory had turned thirteen. They told both their kids that they were old enough to stay by themselves. This month, I knew because Raven had mentioned it, they were having a romantic getaway in Vermont.

But all this meant Raven was alone in the house with one very angry man. Cory wasn't home from school yet, obviously, or else he would at least be trying to help. I started up the stairs, almost at a run.

I knew almost from the start how volatile Carlos is. I think we all did. He moved here from New York the start of junior year, and quickly became the big man on campus. All the girls were head over heels for him. Well, except me. But none more so than Raven, and eventually he asked her out, and she agreed. But everyone in school saw him pound the crap out of a sophomore for denting his car, like, the first week he was here. When Raven started going out with him, he seemed almost… sweet. Like he'd changed. And I know Raven herself thought she'd changed him for the better, like, the love of a good woman was enough to resolve all his anger management issues.

I should have known better, though. My parents are therapists for crying out loud! I hear all the time about the dangers of being in relationships with violent men. My mom in particular is big on telling me that I should never let a man push me around, and I totally agree. I can't say that I've ever actually been in a position like that, but I know I wouldn't just take it lying down. I value myself too much for that, my parents taught me that much.

That's what really surprised me the most out of this whole situation. For as long as I've known Raven, she's been the strong one in our friendship. If anything, I've been the passive, submissive one, letting her take the lead and make all the decisions. And that's okay with me, because that's just how our two personalities meshed the best. So I found it really hard to watch her turn into this different person when she was around Carlos. Submissive doesn't suit her. I would have thought, in this, as in everything else, she would have taken the lead, remained independent and strong. She didn't.

They've been going out for about six months now, and if you ask me, it's been five and a half months too long. Up until Carlos asked her out she was the bubbly, bright, outgoing Rae we all knew and loved. About two weeks into this new relationship, though, I started noticing changes in her. It's not something just anyone would have noticed. I'm not her best friend for nothing. But I did notice that she wasn't herself.

And then, a couple of months ago, that's when things really started getting bad. She'd answer her phone and I'd hear shouting, and watch her face turn pale. I saw her become this meek and obedient "little woman" for Carlos, and that's never been what Raven is about. She'd cancel on Eddie or me so she could go do something with Carlos, and anytime we tried to call her on it, she would plead with us not to get mad, and tell us that she didn't want to disappoint Carlos. It was okay the first time or so, but then it started happening all the time. She was spending all her time with him. And I mean ALL her time.

By this stage any idiot could have seen that the relationship Carlos and Raven had wasn't healthy, for Raven at least. She was a shadow of her former self, she'd lost more weight than was entirely good for her and she had this constant haunted expression on her face. No, not haunted… hunted. Like she thought someone was going to come and get her, or something. And it killed me to have to sit there and just watch it happen to her, knowing there wasn't anything I could do. I wanted my best friend back.

I came out to Eddie and Raven when I was about a month shy of being sixteen. Both of them were really good about it. Especially Rae. God, I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for Raven. This, of course, was pre- Carlos, so she was free to do all the best friend type things like hold me while I cried and tell me that I wasn't a freak, it was totally normal, and to ask me all the questions that showed me she gave a shit about me. By the time I was seventeen, I'd come out to the entire school and most of my family as well.

So yeah, Eddie and Rae know I prefer girls, but they don't know that I dated someone briefly at the start of this year. Her name's Lani, and she's this beautiful, dark haired, pale skinned goddess who I met in my Spanish class. Eddie and Raven dropped Spanish after sophomore year when they realized that they were never going to be any good at it (Eddie especially). I, on the other hand, am actually really good at it, and Lani speaks fluent Spanish, so she was giving me extra tutoring outside of school hours. Well, she tutored me in Spanish, and then I tutored her in how to make me feel good…

Lani wasn't my first girl kiss, but she was my first in a lot of other ways. The problem was, she was totally uncomfortable with us. As in, she didn't want people to know, to the point where she was totally paranoid about people finding out. I tried and I tried to let her know that it was okay, that I'd been out for a while, and look how well everyone had taken it, but she comes from a very traditional family, and had never even considered her relationship with me to be a permanent thing. In the end, it just got too hard for me, so I broke it off. I do miss her, but I don't think I'd ever want to go there again.

She still goes to school with us, and we see her quite a bit because we're in a lot of the same classes, but we have this silent agreement never to speak of our time together. Even though some of our time together was so incredibly hot that it still has the power to make me shiver when I think about it.

And also, Eddie and Raven don't know that I've been in love with Raven since we were fourteen. Ha, that began way back when she defended my honor after that jerk Sam stood me up. I was fourteen! I was really hurt by it… for all of about ten minutes. Then Raven dressed in drag and made that ass see what he'd missed out on, and by the time she was done talking to him, I was head over heels… with her.

I told myself it was only a crush, that it's normal to have feelings for friends when they do extra specially sweet things for you, but fourteen turned to fifteen, and halfway through fifteen I decided it wasn't going to go away and that's when I came out.

Anyway, back to the point, when I got to Raven's room, she was still trying to get him to let her finish her assignment, and his voice was getting louder and louder, and angrier and angrier. As I pushed open the door, I saw him pull his arm back and punch her in the stomach. Not just a shove, but a real punch, a hard punch, and I saw Raven stumble and fall, winded. He took another step towards her, towering over her, and by the look on his face, I highly doubted he was going to stop after just one punch.

"What the hell?" I cried, barging into the bedroom. Raven looked up at me, still catching her breath, a horrified expression on her face. I don't think she'd wanted me to know just how bad things had gotten. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" I screamed, rounding on Carlos. "You don't just HIT people because you're not getting your own way, and you ESPECIALLY don't hit GIRLS! You asshole!"

"Chelsea," Raven panted, "don't, please…"

"No, fuck that, Raven! I've stood by and watched while he's treated you like a pile of shit, but I'm NOT going to let him smack you around!" Carlos rounded on me, then, glaring at me. I thought he was going to hit me, then, too, but I stood my ground.

"I can do whatever the hell I want, you stupid lesbo! You think you're going to stop me? Raven is MINE, you hear? She wants to be with me! So she can do what I tell her! And if she doesn't, it's my right to teach her a lesson!"

I don't think I've ever been so angry. Raven's expression was now resigned, like she knew what was going to happen and had made her peace with it. I couldn't bear to think that she was okay with letting this asshole beat the crap out of her. Tears welled up in my eyes when I wondered how many times this had happened already.

It made me look at each bruise I'd noticed on her differently. Like, the time she told me Cory smacked her in the head with a model airplane – was that really Cory? Or was it Carlos, taking out his frustrations on her?

And then I thought about the time Raven had confided in me that she'd slept with Carlos for the first time – their first time, and hers. Had she actually wanted to? Or had he forced her to, threatening to beat her into submission if she didn't?

"You want to hit me?" I raged at Carlos. "Go ahead. But I'm warning you, you better make it a damn good one, because I swear, I will kill you. Come on! Hit me!" He didn't move any closer to me, but looked like he might go for Raven again. I couldn't let that happen. "Okay, you pussy. I'm calling the cops and filing assault charges."

That got a reaction out of him, and he stepped away from Raven like he'd been burnt. "Fine. I'm going, dyke. You can fucking have her. Hear that, Rae? It's over. I never loved you anyway. You're probably a fucking lesbo too, just like your rug-munching friend. You're welcome to each other."

He stormed past me and down the stairs, banging into my shoulder on purpose as he went. I stood stiff, listening intently until I heard the front door slam and his car start up. Then I went to Raven.

"Oh shit, Rae, are you okay? Let me see," I fussed over her. She was in tears now, shaking and sobbing, more from shock than actual pain. I helped her up and took her over to the bed, where she collapsed into a heap, clinging to me as she bawled. I'd never seen her cry like this, not even when her grandmother died.

"Hush, baby, it's going to be okay. I'm not going to let him hurt you anymore… not with his words, and definitely not with his fists. He's not getting anywhere near you without answering to me, okay?"

She didn't answer, just clung and cried. I would have too, I guess. It was a shit of a thing to have to happen to someone as beautiful, friendly and trusting as Raven. I gently turned her and put her into bed, climbing in beside her when she asked me to stay.

When she had calmed down some, she told me more of what he'd been like. All the times she'd cancelled on us, she said, that had been because either he had decided at the last minute that his girlfriend ought to be spending time with him, or else because he didn't want his girlfriend hanging out with another guy and a lesbian. All the times he'd called her and shouted down the phone at her, it had been because he wasn't getting exactly what he wanted, when he wanted it. I knew most of this, of course. But she swore black and blue that this had been the first time he'd hit her.

I almost asked her about the sex. In the end, though, I chickened out. I didn't know if I could handle the fact that not only was my best friend and the woman I loved getting beaten, but raped into the bargain.

I did convince her not to go crawling back to him, though. She was going to go find him and apologize the next day, beg him to take her back, apologize for MY behavior, but I wouldn't let her.

"Raven, I'm not sorry for what I did. You were in trouble, and I wasn't going to let that happen, ok? You deserve better than this." You deserve me, I added silently.

"Chels, please, try and understand how it is for us. He can be so sweet, so loving and kind, and I do love him. I was stupid tonight. I knew he wanted to go to this movie, and I should have done my assignment in study hall like I usually do…"

"No!" I stopped her. "You have every right to tell him no, Raven! Without him yelling and raging and hitting you! Why can't you see this? You are better off without him. You're your own person, and it's time you remembered that."

"Okay, Chels. Okay. I promise I won't go back to him," she said softly, burying her head in my shoulder. I knew without a doubt that this wasn't the end of this saga, but she wasn't really in any shape to be arguing. Within minutes I felt more than heard her breathing settle, and I knew she was asleep.

I wondered if I should get up, and leave, but I thought she might freak out of she woke up and no one was here, so I sent my mom a text message telling her I wouldn't be home, and got the okay to sleep over. I watched Rae sleep for a while, thinking not for the first time how beautiful she is. Briefly staring at her lips, I wondered for the thousandth time what it would be like to kiss them. I could have kissed her then and she would have never known, she was so dead asleep. But I didn't. I wanted our first kiss to be with both parties at least conscious.

Finally, I felt my eyelids getting heavy, and the last thing I remember before I fell asleep was Raven's hold on me tightening, as she snuggled into me for comfort.


	2. Chapter 2

For all pertinent information see chapter one.

Three days after the big blow out with Carlos, I saw Raven smile again. It was this tiny little tentative thing, like she wasn't sure she was allowed to be smiling at all, but it was there. It warmed my heart to see it when it had been gone for so long.

A couple of days after that, the real thing made a comeback. I'd been telling her some mindless story, and she looked at me and smiled, really grinned, that sweet Raven grin that I'd missed so much. It did more than just warm my heart, it made me want her even more.

It was a Wednesday about two weeks after the fight that I heard her laugh again. And this time, it was Eddie who made her laugh. I don't know what he'd said, but she erupted into nervous giggles, and he said something else to her, and she really started laughing. This was when I walked round the corner and saw her, and I swear, my knees almost buckled.

I said I've loved Raven since we were fourteen, and I have. The problem is, though, while she was with Carlos and she wasn't herself, I still loved her, but I was having trouble remembering the reasons I was IN love with her. Now, with her returning to her former self, all those reasons were flooding back, and I think I loved her more in that moment than I ever have.

So it turned out that Eddie was inviting Raven, and me now that I was there, to a movie night. Except in true Eddie form, he was inviting us to a movie night that was to be held at Raven's house. We always end up hanging out there, because her parents are a) way cooler than mine, and b) hardly ever there anyway. Raven didn't mind the fact that we were going to be hanging out at her place yet again. We never ended up hanging at Eddie's, because his little brother was going through a destructive phase. And my parents were no fun. They just wanted to analyze everyone. It got old after about three minutes.

"It feels like it's been ages since we hung out together," Raven commented to me, after Eddie had gone off to his class. "I've missed you, girl. I'm really looking forward to tonight." She smiled at me and linked our arms together like we used to do before Carlos freaked out about his girlfriend having any physical contact with a lesbian.

"Me too, Rae," I replied. "And it has been too long. How are you, anyway?" As always, with any mention of Carlos, her face clouded over, but these days it wasn't lasting as long. And she wasn't crying anymore, at school anyway. It was progress.

"Honestly, Chels, I've been better. I still miss him, every day. It's been hard adjusting to making my own decisions again. I don't suppose you wanna make some of them for me, do you?" She nudged me in the shoulder. "Huh? It's a joke!"

A joke! Do you know how long it had been since she'd made a joke, even one as weak as that? I laughed. "No, Rae, you're on you own there. But as for the rest of it, I'll always be there for you. I love you, okay?"

"I love you too, Chels."

What a pity she only meant that she loved me as a friend. I knew I'd have to take what I could get, though. This was neither the time nor the place to be declaring everlasting love. She was doing so well and the last thing I wanted to do was jeopardize her progress by dumping more stress on her.

I don't really remember the rest of the day, as it went by pretty fast. After school we all split up to go home and get changed, agreeing to meet up in an hour.

At Rae's house, she'd been busy, renting movies and setting out snacks most probably made by her dad. His cooking is some of the best I've ever tasted! Well, except for those pickled artichoke mashed potatoes… but that's another story. I was a little early and I let myself in like I was used to doing. Rae was in the living room, cueing up a video. I sat down next to her, perhaps a little closer than I would have normally dared, but she didn't seem to mind. If anything, she leaned into me a little.

Ten or so minutes later the doorbell rang, and I went to answer it. It was Eddie… and Amber, his latest girlfriend. She went and found herself a seat, and I grabbed Eddie by the shirtfront and pulled him aside where we couldn't be heard.

"Who told you she could come?" I demanded. "You think this is a good idea, flaunting your relationship in front of Raven when she's just had a really hard break up? What were you thinking?"

"Girl, why you gotta hate on Amber like that?" he hissed. "She wanted to hang out this afternoon, so I told her she could come with me. What, you want me to tell her she's gotta go home?"

"Well, no," I said reluctantly. "I just don't think it was a very sensitive move on your part, that's all."

But Raven seemed to be taking it remarkably well. She knew Amber, and knew that Amber and Eddie had been dating for a couple of weeks (which was in itself almost a record in Eddie's book, these days) and they were chatting casually as Eddie and I hissed at each other in the corner. I sighed, and released him. He went straight over to Amber and flopped down next to her, putting his arm around her, and of course she snuggled right into him. I snuck a look at Rae, and she still seemed ok. I went and sat down next to her.

The movie was good. So was the food. In fact, everything had the makings of a really nice afternoon. Until I looked over, and saw Eddie and Amber practically attacking each other, right there on Raven's couch. God, how insensitive! Not to mention rude – and disgusting. I tried to ignore them, until I heard a soft sniffling coming from beside me.

"Rae? You okay?" I whispered. She wasn't. Even in the half-light of the TV screen I could see the tears running down her cheeks. Eddie and Amber continued to maul each other, oblivious to how Raven was feeling. "Rae? Talk to me, please?"

"I can't do this," she gasped out, before turning and running up the stairs to her room. I watched her go; feeling so helpless I almost cried myself. Then I snapped out of it and rounded on Eddie, who seemed to finally notice his surroundings.

"See? I fucking told you this wasn't a good idea!" I snapped at him. "Look what you've done! You think it was easy for her to watch you stick your tongue down Amber's throat? You really upset her, Eddie!"

"Chelsea, girl, I'm sorry," he said, and the remorse dripped off him in waves. He really was sorry, really hadn't meant to hurt Raven. He was just a bonehead, like all guys tend to be.

"Don't apologize," Amber piped up. "We were just having fun…"

"Excuse me?" I turned to her. "First of all, this is none of your goddamn business. You shouldn't have even been here. Second of all, Eddie apologizing is the first thing he's done right all night. The two of you HURT her. At least Eddie's sensitive enough to admit that he was wrong."

She huffed, but didn't storm off like I expected her to. Instead, she stood there, looking at Eddie expectantly. For the moment at least, he was ignoring her.

"You think I should go up there and apologize to her?" he asked me.

"No, I'll go. You just… get her out of here, okay?" He smiled sheepishly at me, and motioned to Amber.

"Come on, we're leaving."

I threw him a grateful glance. As they left I heard her whining "But what about the rest of the movie?"

I really, really hoped that particular romance wouldn't last much longer.

Raven was in her room, sitting on her bed with her knees drawn up to her chest, sobbing quietly. I knocked on the open door and entered, sitting down beside her and pulling her into my arms.

"You wanna talk about it?" I asked her, not holding out much hope. But she nodded, and wiped her face on her sleeve. "What's up?"

"I just… seeing them together downstairs… it was too much for me," she said quietly. "I know I should feel happy for Eddie, that he's found someone, but it just made me feel… empty. And it was a really painful kind of empty, like, there's a hole inside me, and it's getting bigger."

"I wouldn't be too envious of Eddie if I were you," I told her dryly. "Amber's… well, she's a real piece of work, let me tell you that much."

"Why, what happened down there after I left?" she asked, interest sparking in her eyes. I laughed.

"Don't worry. Just… I don't think anyone ever bothered teaching her any manners, that's all. It's kind of funny when you think about it."

Raven got really quiet again, and I wondered what she was thinking. Raven's not a quiet person, as I may have mentioned, and her falling silent like that is never a good sign.

"Hey, Rae, what's going on up in here?" I asked, tapping her forehead gently. She grimaced, but laughed a little.

"Don't you ever get… tired… of being alone?" she asked me. I considered the question. Of course, she had no way of knowing about Lani, so she thought I'd been single for years. I wasn't about to tell her it had only been a matter of months. But yes, I did get tired of being alone, all the time. And sometimes, late at night, when I was lying in bed, BY MYSELF, and bemoaning the fact that I didn't have a chance with Raven, I found myself seriously considering trying again with Lani, if she would have me.

Of course, in the harsh light of day, I wanted Lani like I wanted herpes, and I loved Raven all the more, but still…

"Yes. All the time," I answered finally, aware that I'd been quiet for quite a few moments, and Raven was waiting for me to answer her question. "But it's not all bad. Look at it this way. If you're single, and you randomly hook up with someone, there's no guilt, right? You don't have to worry about those, look, but don't touch rules. And you don't have to justify the looking, either…" I trailed off, because Raven looked like she wanted to say something.

"I miss…" and she stopped.

"Carlos?" I offered, hating that she missed that asshole and didn't want me.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. We sat in silence for a while, thinking our own thoughts. Then she pulled away from me, and sat up.

"No, you know what? I don't miss him," she declared. In that moment, it was like Carlos had never happened to her. The forcefulness and decisiveness in her voice were the epitome of what she used to be. It made me sit up and take notice.

"Well, if you don't miss him, what's got you so upset? If it's Eddie and Amber, I'd be upset too. I mean if they'd been making out on my couch like a couple of animals, I would've turned the garden hose on them," I quipped, in an attempt to lighten the mood. She frowned gently.

"That's what I miss," she said.

"You miss making out with Eddie?" I teased. She stuck her tongue out at me, and my eyes glazed over slightly, but I concentrated on what she was saying.

"No!"

"You miss making out with Amber?" I asked, mock bewildered. She laughed, and I relaxed slightly. We were going to be okay, Rae and I.

"No, Chelsea! I'm trying to be serious here, come on girl! I miss HAVING someone, you know? I miss being part of a couple. Carlos might have been mean, and he might have been angry all the time, but he wanted me, you know? At the end of the day, I knew that he would kiss me and hold me, and things would feel better."

"Yeah, but what about all his tantrums?" I asked, skeptically. "He wasn't exactly a Care Bear when it came to anger management, was he?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't the point," she said, trying to explain. "It was like… I don't know. It felt like, no matter how stupid I'd been and how angry I'd made him, no matter how he'd had to punish me that night, when it was over and he'd cooled off, he'd reach for me, and kiss me, and tell me he loved me really, and if I'd stop pissing him off he'd stop having to teach me how to behave. And that's what I miss: the end of the nights, the kissing and the holding, and the feeling like someone gave a shit about me."

That was probably the most I'd heard out of her since before she hooked up with Carlos, and I was impressed. It sounded like she'd been really thinking about it, sorting out her feelings, and that was good, right? That was healthy.

"I give a shit about you, Rae," I told her quietly and carefully.

She smiled at me, but she didn't understand what I was really saying, I could see it in her eyes. She thought I was being the dutiful best friend, and in a way I was. But I meant so much more by that simple statement, so much that I couldn't ever let on.

"I know you do, Chels, and that's great. But it's not the same. It's not the same as having a boyfriend who will lie down with you and hold you through the night, and who will greet you with kisses at your locker, and walk you to class hand in hand, and all that boyfriend stuff."

I can do all that! I was screaming in my head. There was nothing on her little list that had a penis as a prerequisite. I could quite cheerfully step into the role she'd described, and I'd love every moment of it too. And what's more, I'd never punish her for not letting me get my own way. And I'd sure as hell never lay a hand on her in anger. It made me angry to think that I'd never even get a chance to prove myself, because I have breasts.

I changed the subject.

"What about me, Rae?" I asked lightly. "You think I'll find a nice girl to love before the end of the school year?"

"Are you kidding me?" she asked. "Of course you will. Any girl would be lucky to have you, Chelsea, you're the greatest. You're sweet and funny and kind, and come on, you know you're hot girl. Somewhere out there there's a girl who is looking for a girl just like you, and I predict you'll find her very, very soon."

What if I'd already found her? I wanted to ask. But I didn't. I wanted so much in that moment to take her face in my hands and kiss her, to show her what I couldn't tell her, how much I loved her. But I couldn't. Raven was hurting. She needed Best Friend Chelsea, not Crazy Lust Addled-Brain Chelsea. So I would play the role she needed me to play.

For the next couple of hours, I filled her in on the Eddie and Amber saga, and she revealed more about her relationship with Carlos. He hadn't raped her, thank God. According to her, their first time had been beautiful, it had been a day when she hadn't made him angry at all, so there was no punishment to worry about, and when it happened he'd been careful and considerate, and she didn't regret it at all.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders when she told me that. Ever since I'd walked in on their last little confrontation, the worry that he had perhaps forced himself on her had been plaguing me, to the point where I actually sometimes had nightmares about it, waking up gasping for breath because I was crying so hard.

I got up and put Raven's Maisha CD on, grabbing a couple of her hairbrushes on my way back to the bed. "Remember that time you met her?" I asked, handing one of the hairbrushes to her. "It started with us up here, singing and dancing along to this very CD…"

"And my mom came up and told us to turn it down, and invited me to the spa where I met her!" Raven finished, laughing. "Man, that was, like, the best vision ever! I had them a lot more back then."

"Yeah, I kind of noticed you weren't having very many anymore," I remarked. "Do you think you're growing out of the psychic thing, or something?"

"I don't think that's possible," she mused. "My grandma was having visions right up until she died, so I don't think you grow out of them. I wonder why I'm getting them now."

Privately, I thought the Carlos thing might have had something to do with it. Maybe she was so unhappy, the visions had halted themselves, temporarily. It could have been like how sometime your periods will stop if you're under too much stress.

"Oh, oh, girl, this is my favorite Maisha song EVER!" Raven yelped, jumping up from the bed and holding her hairbrush in position by her lips. I followed suit, and together we belted out the lyrics.

"I'm just a simple girl with a private jet…"


	3. Chapter 3

For all pertinent information see chapter one.

The next few days went by pretty normally. We had a chemistry test that I stayed up all night studying for, and I had a presentation in Spanish to work on. I didn't see much of Eddie or Raven, but I heard from Eddie that Raven was fine, and from the little I DID see of her, she seemed like she was coming along in leaps and bounds. It gave me the peace of mind I needed to concentrate on my assignments.

I was pretty sure I'd passed the chemistry test. It wouldn't have been an A, by any marking standards, but it was at the very least a solid B minus, and I could live with that.

The Spanish presentation was one of the few assignments I'd enjoyed that entire school year. It wasn't a partnered project, which meant I was free to do my own thing, and the only guideline we'd been given was to give a three minute speech in Spanish about the topic of our choice (subject to teacher approval, of course). I'd chosen the environment, and the combination of a language I enjoyed speaking and a subject I was passionate about guaranteed me a good grade. I was hoping for that A!

We gave the presentations on a Friday, last period. The class was small, now. Back in freshman year, there had been a good thirty of us, and that was just in this time slot. There had been another class of thirty in another time slot. As we'd grown to sophomores and then juniors, more and more people had dropped it, and now, senior year, we were left with one class of ten people, the die hard Spanish speakers. There had never been any doubt that I would be one of the Spanish seniors. The only other given had been Lani.

Yes, Lani was still in the class, as I believe I've mentioned before. She usually ignored me. Not in an obnoxious way, just… well, our interactions are usually confined to "Hi," and "Bye," and we barely spoke other than those two things.

Ha, thinking about it, even when we were together, we never used to speak much… But back to the point.

When I got up to give my presentation on that Friday, for the first time in about three months (the time since we'd broken up) I felt her eyes on me, and when I looked at her, she was meeting my gaze steadily, waiting expectantly for me to begin. This from the girl who would have rather looked at a chair than at me. I was surprised, but didn't really think much of it. I just guessed that she'd finally grown up and got over it.

Senorita Rodriguez graded us on the spot. That's one of the many advantages of being in a tiny class! I got the A I'd wanted, and I was glad. It meant my grade point average would stay pretty steady, since my Spanish A would balance out the B minus I was sure to get in Chemistry. I left the room in pretty high spirits. Now that all my assignments were over and done with, I planned to find Raven and Eddie and celebrate. And by celebrate, I meant get disgustingly drunk and go dancing. Good times had by all!

But I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to find Lani standing there. I just gaped, I'm ashamed to say. A bit of the old Chelsea coming through.

I used to be a real dimwit, not by any means the sharpest tool in the shed. Four years of high school has seen me grow up and wise up a bit, but I still have these moments. Eddie and Raven like to call them my Flo moments, after that time when Raven's dad gave us both jobs and I, stupidly, had declared that my "waitress name" was Flo.

So anyway, when I snapped back from my Flo moment, Lani was smiling at me. Wow, I thought, eye contact AND a smile, this must be a special occasion.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," I replied, carefully.

"Look, can we go somewhere and talk?" she asked, which really threw me. Even when we were together, she never wanted to talk. It was all about sneaking around and making out to her, she never wanted it to be anything more, anything serious. I guess it was because of her family. If I'd had her family, I'd have thought twice about being as open with my sexuality as I am now.

I regarded her now, trying to read her expression. The last three months had been kind to her. She'd changed shampoos or something, but I'd never seen her hair so shiny. She was wearing it loose, too, something she never used to do, and every time she'd move I'd get a whiff of something fruity and delicious. It was stupid, and I knew it, but I started wanting to know what that hair would feel like running between my fingers now.

I nodded finally, and we went back into the now deserted Spanish classroom, closing the door behind us. She sat down at her desk, and I sat on the desk in front of her, my feet on the seat.

"So, uh, what'd you wanna talk about?" I asked, moronically. Honestly, sometimes, when I have too many Flo moments too close together, I seriously consider changing my name to Flo permanently. But then I'd miss being called Chelsea. It's going to be my princess name.

"Us," Lani replied matter-of-factly. I raised an eyebrow.

"Us? There is no "us". You made that perfectly clear three months ago. There could have been an "us", but you were too concerned with what everyone would think of you."

"Chelsea, I want there to be an "us" again. I'm sorry, okay? I know I was a jerk. I know I would have dumped me. I'm not surprised you got sick of my shit. I would have too. But you were always much stronger than me when it came to knowing who you were."

"What are you saying, Lani?" Even though it was pretty obvious, I wanted to hear her say it. I needed to hear her say it before I could even consider her proposal.

"I'm saying, I want you back. The last three months without you have sucked beyond the telling of it, Chels. We were good together, when I wasn't obsessing. And I'd like for us to try again. So what do you say?"

What did I say? I had no idea. I honestly had no idea.

"I honestly have no idea." Nice one, Flo. Wanna let Chelsea take over again, please?

"I don't know. It wasn't easy on me, the way you treated me back then. You made me feel… I don't know, dirty, like what we were doing was wrong. It wasn't wrong, Lani, it was just two girls exploring their feelings for each other. The way you acted, like it made us freaks, you really hurt me. So what's changed, why should I let myself in for more of the same treatment?"

She sighed, and got up from her desk, walking closer to me. I shrank back instinctively, but she didn't press the issue. Instead she stood just outside my personal space bubble, looking at me.

"I'm trying to tell you that I've changed, okay? I have. Losing you was the kick in the pants I needed to make me re-evaluate my feelings, and when I finally pulled my head out of my ass, I knew that everything in my life took a backseat to the way I felt about you. My family, the church, school… all of it means nothing without you. And all I'm asking is a second chance. Please?"

"What about your family? I know you say they're not as important, but they're still a part of your life. How do they like the new you?"

She laughed wryly. "Yeah, well, they weren't impressed when I came out to them, and I'm forbidden to tell anyone at church, but they're coming around. Daddy especially has been really great. He always asks when I'm going to bring some nice girl home to meet him."

Now that DID surprise me. Lani's dad was a pillar of the church, one of the Elders and a large contributor to their funds. If anyone had threatened Lani with fire and brimstone, I would have picked it to be him. To hear her say that he was fine with her being a lesbian, well, that was great news for her.

"Chelsea…" she began. I met her eyes and waited. "Chelsea, you're the only girl I'd wanna take home to Daddy. I miss you."

"Lani… I don't know. I'm gonna need some time, okay? Some time to figure out what it is I want." Her face crumpled, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "It's not a no! It's just not a yes, yet. Okay?"

"Okay," she mumbled.

"Look, I have to go, my friends are expecting me," I fudged.

"Yeah, mine too." We got up and headed for the door. Just before she opened it, though, she leaned in and brushed her lips across mine, catching me totally by surprise.

"It could be good," she whispered, before hurrying off.

I met Eddie and Raven by our lockers. They congratulated me on my Spanish grade, but suddenly I wasn't really in the mood for celebrating. Not with company, anyway. I felt more like downing a bottle of vodka myself and wallowing in my thoughts.

It turned out that Raven had "stuff to do" after school, so she went home by herself, and I walked home with Eddie. The whole way to his place, he talked about himself, so even if I'd wanted to unload about Lani, I couldn't have. He was still with Amber, making her the single longest relationship he'd had since "Cookie Lips" back when we were fourteen. But, according to him, he'd cheated on Amber the previous weekend when he went and got drunk without us.

"What?" I exclaimed, surprised. "Eddie, you're a player, that's a given, but you've never CHEATED on anyone before. Have you? What happened?"

"It was like this, Chels. Last weekend you guys stayed home, right? Well, me and the guys from the team went into the city, to this bar called the Reptile Room, and got totally smashed. Anyway, I met this girl Whitney there, and she said she was starting at Bayside soon, she'd transferred because of her mom's job, and was finishing her senior year here…"

"Eddie! I've met her! I know the story behind her showing up at school so get to the cheating!"

"Oh yeah. Right. So see, what had happened was, I got in this competition with Jason, he's the captain…"

"Again, information I already have. Can we get the part I DON'T know?" This story was barely ten minutes old and I was already bored with it.

"Yeah, I'm getting to that. So Jason, and me, we got in this competition, and there were body slammers, and it may or may not have been Whitney's body… and then we chased them with the beers… there were lots of beers… and then there's like a chunk of night missing, and I woke up in a really, really pink room with Whitney all up in my personal space. You feel me?"

"You got drunk and slept with her," I translated. "I'm not impressed, Eddie."

"I know," he said, sheepishly. "I feel real bad about it, too. But the question is, do I tell Amber? Or do I just pretend like it never happened?"

"Well, that depends," I told him. "On whether you care enough about Amber to want her to stick around. I, personally, wouldn't bother with her. But if you do actually want to be with her, then you have to weigh up the options, don't you? You can tell her, and risk her freaking out and dumping you on the spot. And on the off chance she takes it well, it would still be there, sitting like a big old pink elephant in the corner every time you two were together. You know, everyone knows it's there, but no one wants to bring it up?"

"And what's the other option?" he asked, looking like he was hanging off my every word.

"Don't tell her. But then, no matter what, you'll have something to hide from her. And women can sense that. And don't forget, you were out with the whole team that night, Eddie. Chances are, someone on the team knows, and though they might not mean for it to happen, word could still get out. And if Amber finds out, and you haven't told her… well, I wouldn't be in your shoes, man."

"Man. Sounds like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't," he muttered, kicking at a pebble.

"Pretty much. But this is the price you pay for cheating. So what's it going to be? Honesty? Or the easy road? Because both ways could end badly."

"I don't know, Chelsea. But I do know one thing. I might be a cheater, and I might hide things sometimes, but I am not a liar. If Amber, or anyone for that matter, asks me directly, I'll tell the truth."

"Well, that's a start, I guess," I gave him, stopping outside his front walk. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You know it," he smiled, slapping me five before heading inside.

After that little conversation, I wanted nothing more than to go home, crawl into bed and down the bottle of vodka I'd been keeping under my bed for the next time I wanted to drink it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but I like to go out and have some alcohol-enhanced fun some weekends. It's all fun and games.

Eddie's little dilemma played on my mind, as did my own dilemma. What was I going to say when I saw Lani next? And what about Raven? If I said yes to Lani, and then found out I had a chance with Raven, what would I do then? But what if I say no to Lani, and still don't have a chance with Raven, so then I'm alone and I've burnt all my bridges?

It was really fucking with my head. I couldn't think of anything to do but go and see Raven. She's quite often pretty good at sorting stuff like this out.

I turned left instead of right and headed to Raven's place, hollering hello and letting myself in. I bounded up the stairs to her room after not receiving a reply, but she wasn't in there either. I knocked in the door to her bathroom and opened the door a crack.

She was in there.

On the floor.

With a razor blade held against her wrist.

"Raven!" I screamed, running to her. I grabbed the blade and tossed it away from her. I vaguely heard it clunk against the base of the toilet. "Raven, baby, what are you doing?"

She was crying again. This time it was silent, with huge tears rolling down her cheeks. I pulled her into my arms, holding her as tight as I could, rocking her back and forth as I whispered soothingly in her ear. I was crying too, by this time, but I wasn't silent. I bawled, really sobbed, at the fright she'd given me. By the looks of her arms, this wasn't the first time she'd done this. And now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen her in short sleeves in forever.

"Rae, please, tell me why you're doing this," I said finally, calming myself down. I pulled away far enough to look her in the eyes.

"I don't know," she mumbled, trying not to meet my gaze.

"Come on, Raven. This is me. Chelsea. I know you, and I know that something is very, very wrong. Please, tell me."

She was quiet for a long moment. I crawled away long enough to get some toilet paper to press against her cuts. They weren't very deep, but there were quite a few of them. Finally, she spoke.

"Last night, Carlos came round."

"What? Did he hurt you? Raven, if he laid so much as a finger on you, I swear, his own parents won't be able to identify him at the morgue…"

"No, Chelsea, it wasn't like that. He was so sweet and gentle, not like himself at all. He said he was miserable without me, and he wanted me back. And I wasn't sure, so I didn't say yes right away, and he didn't even get angry like he normally would! So I let him up… and we had sex."

That did it. I burst into hysterical tears, and now I was being comforted by Raven, instead of the other way around. Though I'm sure she could barely hear herself over the sound of my sobs, she continued anyway.

"It was okay, nothing special. To tell the truth, I was a little disappointed. I've been with him quite a few times, and he can make it better than that. But when he was done, he just rolled off the bed and left, and he didn't even say goodbye or kiss me or even THANK me. He didn't even look at me. He just left. And today at school I was trying so hard to be brave, but on the way to last period he cornered me in the hallway, and said he was just conducting a scientific experiment, and he'd proved his hypothesis correct: that I WAS a lousy lay." Now she was crying again, both of us clinging to each other. "So I came home… and then I… and then you got here."

I didn't reply. I wasn't crying as loudly now, but my eyes were screwed shut, my shoulders heaving with sobs.

"Chelsea, girl, it's okay. I won't cut again, I swear. Chelsea? Please, stop crying!" Not very compelling when she was ordering me to stop crying through her own tears, but she'd missed the point completely.

I wasn't crying because of the danger she'd put herself in, allowing Carlos back in the house. I wasn't even really crying about the cutting anymore, even though that had scared me beyond anything I'd ever seen before.

No, I was crying because once again, Chelsea Daniels loses out to the fists attached to the penis.


	4. Chapter 4

For all pertinent information see chapter one.

I didn't know how to act around Raven after that night. She'd really scared me, with the cutting, made me feel completely helpless. I didn't know what, if anything, I could do to help her.

On the flip side of that was the anger I'd felt. I mean cutting, and burning, and suicide attempts in all their ways, shapes and forms have never been okay with me. We were all expecting big things from Cousin Earl, but none of us could have expected him to hang himself junior year. Ever since then I've been iffy about people wanting to harm or kill themselves. I remember the pain of Earl's death, and just think, how could he have been so goddamn selfish? How could he have done something like that, knowing that the family he left behind would have to deal with it for the rest of their lives?

I wanted to help Raven, and I wanted her to feel better, but I had this funny feeling that I couldn't be around her while the memory of the cutting was so fresh in my mind. I just felt like anything I said or did would come off as too accusing, or too mean, and that was the last thing I wanted, even though I acknowledged that I WAS angry. So I didn't exactly avoid her, but for the next week or so I sure didn't go out of my way to seek her out and hang out with her or anything.

When I did finally talk to her, she was all smiles and laughter and happiness. I didn't understand it, how does someone go from wanting to slice up their arms one week, to wanting to teach the world to sing the next? It didn't add up, and now that my initial anger had subsided, I wanted to know what was going on. Next time she invited me over to her place to sleep over, I accepted.

It was like we were fourteen again for a while that afternoon. We painted each other's nails and did each other's hair, and Raven even made s'mores, without the moose helmet on. I've heard that makes all the difference. So we "got our grub on", and then came some valuable "jiggy down time." (Thanks Mr. B for those delightfully outdated but characteristic catchphrases!)

Raven put Maisha back on and we were jamming to that, singing into our hairbrush microphones and grooving along, and after Maisha, she put on her old Boys In Motion CD.

"I haven't heard this in years!" I crowed, dancing along.

"Boys! We are the boys is motion! We give you our devotion!"

But, finally, it had to come to an end, as all good things do. I crawled into my makeshift bed next to hers, and settled down to sleep. I heard her shifting around, trying to get comfortable, and finally she leaned over the bed, her head propped on an elbow.

"Hey, Chels? You awake?" she whispered.

"Mmhmm?" I murmured sleepily.

"Chelsea, let's stay up late talking like we used to," she suggested. I opened my eyes.

"Okay, well, what do you wanna talk about?" And Flo rears her ugly head again!

"Well, there's something I haven't told you," Raven began, sounding, I thought, a little nervous. "See, the thing is, is that me and Carlos? We're kind of back together."

My whole body stiffened, and I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. "Tell me I didn't hear that right. After everything he's done to you, and everything I told you about being strong and not going back, you did it anyway? And after last week where he totally used you, and called you a lousy lay and everything?" Personally, I imagined Raven to be anything but a lousy lay. The Raven I knew and loved was far too passionate and vibrant to be anything but spectacular.

"Don't get mad, Chelsea, please! He came to me, almost on his hands and knees, pleading for another chance, and he told me how sorry he was about what happened that night. He told me I wasn't a lousy lay, that I was great, and that he was so, so sorry that he'd used me like that. And he also apologized for… you know… that time he punched me, and all the other times he's gotten angry. He's changed, you know? He's really turned over a new leaf."

"People like that don't change, Rae," I told her coldly. "They just hide who they are to get what they want. Then, when they have it, they reveal their true selves, because it doesn't matter anymore. That's when the true danger begins."

"That's not what's going to happen this time," she insisted. "I'm sure of it. This time I'm going to stand up for myself, and he's going to treat me with respect."

I knew better, but didn't say so. I couldn't believe how upset and angry I was. Did she have a death wish or something? If she stayed with Carlos, if she let him anywhere near her, sooner or later, shouting and punching her in the stomach wasn't going to be enough for him. Sooner or later, she was going to do or say something that didn't sit well with him, and he was going to put her in the hospital. I just didn't know if I had the strength to pull myself through it, let alone be there for her. I told Raven I was tired, and rolled on my side facing away from her and closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep.

She fell asleep before me. I lay awake for a long time, seething and wondering what I was supposed to do now. It was becoming increasingly apparent that Raven's judgment was beyond poor. I knew that I couldn't sit around and wait for her for the rest of my life. So what did I do now? Did I continue to be single, pining away for what I knew I was never going to have? Or did I bite the bullet and go back to the person who actually wanted me?

By the morning, I'd made my decision. On the way home, I took out my cell phone and tapped out a text message.

"Meet me at my place."

Lani was waiting when I got home. I swear, she must have sprinted or something, to get there so fast. I looked her up and down, she was looking as good as ever. And even as I thought that, I mentally kicked myself for sounding like Eddie.

"Were you serious about wanting another chance with me?" I asked her, hating myself. This was SO not the right way to deal with my disappointment, but it was the only way I could come up with that didn't involve me doing a Raven and cutting myself. Or doing an Earl. But Lani was nodding, and stepping closer to me, and I was stepping away from her and pulling her towards my bedroom. I dumped my overnight bag inside the door and pushed her onto the bed, climbing on top of her.

I knew, in that moment, what a mistake I was making. I didn't want Lani. If I'd really wanted Lani I would have taken the time to talk to her, take things slow, not rush in and make sure this was real. But I didn't want her. I wanted Raven. And Raven was busy getting it on with old Fists of Fury, and I was left wanting. So yeah, I was aware that I was using Lani. But it felt good to finally be wanted.

I was on top of her now, and we were trading long wet kisses that held the promise of things to come. I sat up and peeled my shirt off, watching the appreciation in her eyes. It didn't matter that I hated myself. Lani wanted me, and that's all that mattered.

The rest is a blur, a hot, sweaty, good blur. Yeah, it was good! She knew what she was doing. I'd trained her well. And yeah, I made her cry out my name. I happen to know what I'm doing, as well. But the whole time we were having sex, I kept my eyes tight shut and pictured Raven.

When it was over, I cried.

Lani didn't stay much longer. She kissed me, told me how beautiful I was, and left, promising she'd see me the next day. I lay in my bed, making no effort to cover my nakedness. I just lay there and cried. I actually have no idea how long I was there for, wallowing in my pity. But I knew that it was the end of an era. I had to stop pining for Rae. Lani was it for me now. She had to be.

In school on Monday, I told Lani we should keep it on the down low, for the moment at least. She was surprised. Probably because this was such a role reversal. When we were together the first time, she was the one wanting to keep it a secret the whole time, and I was the one pushing for people to know. But I just didn't want Raven to know. I couldn't handle the thought of her knowing that I ran straight from her place and fell into bed with Lani.

Eddie tracked me down on the way to lunch. I had been planning on skipping it anyway, so it wasn't too annoying to be pulled into an empty classroom to talk.

"Okay. So, I thought about what you said, and I'm going to tell Amber the truth. I figure, she deserves to make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to be with me, and to do that she needs all the information. Can I get an amen?"

"Amen," I cheered halfheartedly.

He didn't have much more to say after that, so he straightened his back, pulled his chest in, pulled his pants further down, and strode off to where Amber was standing with a group of her friends. I decided to watch from a couple of classrooms away. Wouldn't hurt to jump in if he needed moral support, right?"

"Amber, girl, I gotta talk to you," he began, twisting the strap of his schoolbag awkwardly. She looked at him, smiled, and followed him a little way away from her friends. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, don't get mad, just… hear me out." Her face tightened immediately. That was definitely not a good sign. But, credit where credit's due, he powered on.

"A couple of weekends ago I got really, really drunk and slept with Whitney and I feel really bad, and I'm so sorry, Amber and I'll do anything to make it up to you," he blurted.

See, I expected her to get angry. I even almost expected her to dump him. I figured, even though it was kind of mean, that it would teach him the lesson he needed, about not getting drunk and cheating on his girlfriend. But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, could have prepared me for the scene I was about to witness.

Amber took a deep breath of her own, and I assumed she was going to start chewing Eddie out, so I braced myself for it on his behalf. But she swung her backpack off her back and walloped him one with it. And then, that deep breath she took? She used it to let out this unearthly shriek, the likes of which Celine Dion would have been proud of.

"You CHEATED on me?" she screamed. "You ASSHOLE! I can't believe this! What made you think you were ever good enough for me, that you can go out and cheat on me behind my back? Well it's OVER! I hope you and your cheap slut are HAPPY together!"

There was a collective gasp from the crowd as her words sunk in. Eddie's face was the palest I'd ever seen it. He started backing away from Amber, but not quite quickly enough. She reared back and slapped him a good one across his face, and stormed off in the opposite direction. I hurried over to him.

"Eddie, are you okay?" I asked, concerned. He frowned.

"I don't know, Chels. I think I need to be alone." With that he, too, turned and walked away. I shrugged and reverted to my original plan, which was to skip lunch and sit by myself and brood.

Raven cornered me in study hall, telling me I should come over after school because Carlos had football practice. Inside I was snapping bitterly "Yeah, because if he wasn't busy, you wouldn't be giving me the time of day," but outwardly I smiled and agreed. She didn't have anything particular in mind, so we were just hanging out and talking. Both of us carefully avoided the subject of Carlos, and Lani couldn't have been further from my mind.

Rae made us a batch of sandwiches and we took them into the living room to eat. I knew they'd be delicious, I mean, she's not a chef's daughter for nothing, but I didn't touch them. The thought made me slightly ill because I wasn't hungry anyway. She didn't seem to notice as she steadily worked her way through the whole plate. I had to give her one thing, she did seem a lot happier this time around. The trouble was, I knew it wouldn't last long

Then, when I'd finally relaxed enough to enjoy myself, my phone started vibrating. Lani was text messaging me, and she wasn't pulling any punches. She wanted a repeat of our rendezvous, and she was being as persuasive as she knew how, which is pretty persuasive. I was kept busy enough answering her dirty messages that I must have missed the way Raven kept checking her watch every ten minutes or so, but when I finally managed to get Lani to hold off on the messages till I got home, I noticed that Raven seemed a bit anxious.

"So, um, I'm gonna go home now," I told her. "I've got some stuff to do…"

"Yeah, that's cool. Carlos said he might stop by after practice, and I thought you probably wouldn't want to see him…"

"Damn straight I don't. You know how I feel about him, Rae, he's going to hurt you, and I can guarantee you, next time my timing won't be as good as it was last time. I won't be able to stop him from hitting you."

"He's not going to hit me again!" Raven exclaimed, sounding a little exasperated. "Chelsea, I love you girl, but if you keep ragging on my boyfriend, we're gonna have a problem, you and me."

"Okay. I won't say another word about it," I promised as I gathered my stuff. "It'll be cool."

"Cool," Raven echoed as she saw me out. This wasn't a fight. Raven and I never fought. This was a minor difference of opinion. We'd get through it.

On my way out the door, Cory was coming up the front walk. He and Raven had become a lot closer now that their parents were constantly leaving them together, and it showed. They were just a lot nicer to each other now. It was more like them against the parents, like, whatever happened while Tanya and Victor were away stayed between the kids by mutual agreement.

Beside Cory was a pretty little girl I'd never met before, and by the look on Raven's face, neither had she. They walked toward where we stood on the front doorstep, smiling as they came.

"Hey Rae," Cory greeted his sister cheerfully. Then he turned to me. "Hey, baby," he said in the same mildly irritating way he had done since he was nine. It was more amusing than irritating now though. He was probably the one person that I hadn't come out to. Raven's parents had asked me not to, telling me he was just too young to understand. I respected that.

"Guys, this is Holly," he finally introduced his friend. "She's my new girlfriend."

Holly blushed and giggled, which was just the icing on an unbearably cute cake. Cory had a girlfriend?

"Um, Chelsea, can I talk to you?" he asked. Surprised, I let him lead me aside away from the others.

"Look, I'm really sorry, but I'm with Holly now. It's over between us," he told me seriously, actually looking regretful. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I think so," I replied, acting hurt. "But can we still be friends?"

"Of course!" he said, pulling me into a hug. "We'll always be friends, you and me."

With one last smile at me, he took Holly inside and shut the door, leaving Raven and me outside. We burst out laughing.

"Oh my God, Raven, your brother just broke up with me," I howled, tears of laughter running down my face. Raven was in a similar state.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked, giggling madly. It was the tension breaker we'd needed, and I left on a much happier note.

I wasn't going to meet Lani that day. I had enough on my plate without letting Horny McLustbunny drag me down. I wanted to get my homework done, and sleeping with Lani wasn't exactly conducive to studying. So I fobbed her off, told her I was busy, and went home by myself.

Except that Eddie rang my cell phone on the way home. He was really hurting, more than I had expected him to. He and Amber had only really been together a couple of months, and yeah, it was longer than most of his other relationships, but even from the outside I would have sworn that it wasn't going anywhere. So the amount of hurt he was feeling surprised me. He told me he was determined to win Amber back, and though I encouraged him, I couldn't help but privately hope he didn't succeed. Even if he'd forgotten the way she'd behaved that night at Raven's house, I hadn't. I didn't like Amber, I thought she was rude and inconsiderate, and I knew Eddie deserved better.

But I also knew he deserved to be happy, so if Amber was what he wanted I wasn't going to stand in the way of that. I was doing a lot of stepping aside for friends, these days.


	5. Chapter 5

For all pertinent information see chapter one.

It had been three weeks, and nothing Eddie was doing was even making a dent on Amber's hard heart. She'd made up her mind to never forgive him for what he'd done, and while a part of me admired her for sticking to her guns, the rest of me felt really sorry for Eddie.

And that part of me missed Rae. Time was, she would have come up with some crazy scheme that involved fake pink flamingoes and rubber tubing, and most likely some false mustaches somewhere, and between the two of us we would have bumbled around and got Eddie and Amber back together. That was how things were supposed to have gone.

But Raven was busy with Carlos again. It wasn't exactly like before, she seemed more like herself at least. But there was definitely an undercurrent of forced obedience, like she knew that things would only be this good while she did as she was told.

Anyway, Eddie was trying everything he could think of, and some things I came up with that he never would have come up with on his own, and nothing was working. Amber wouldn't even talk to him, much less forgive him. He was running out of ideas, and, more importantly, running out of patience.

The whole time Eddie was running around after Amber like some little lap dog, Whitney, the girl Eddie had cheated with, was making her presence known. She was actually really into Eddie, which was a shame, because he only had eyes for Amber. It was almost like a comedy of errors, like some twisted love triangle, Whitney wants Eddie wants Amber wants to be left alone. And at the moment, no one was getting what they wanted.

Meanwhile, like I said, I was well aware not everything was sunshine and roses with Raven. She might have been trying to give that impression, but I wasn't fooled. I didn't want to press matters, though. I'd talked to her about it, tentatively, and she'd told me she hadn't cut herself the whole time she'd been back with him, and I could only see that as a good thing, right? I kept my nose out of it for the most part. If this was really making Raven happy, and it seemed like it might be, then that was all I had any business wanting.

Lani and I had been seeing each other on the sly ever since the day I'd found out Raven and Carlos were back together. Things between us weren't really better than they had been the first time around, I'm sorry to say. All that had changed was that the roles had reversed. Suddenly I'd become this person I'd sworn I'd never be, everything I hated about Lani the last time. I was hiding our relationship, such as it was, from everyone, making her keep it a secret. In fact, the last time we'd hooked up, she'd actually left in tears, because she'd stumbled across the real reason I didn't want people to know about us.

FLASHBACK

"Wow, Chelsea, every time we do that it gets better," Lani panted, collapsed on my chest. I lay motionless, not wanting to encourage any snuggling. She wrapped her arms around me as best she could, burying her head in the curve of my neck.

"Hey, Chels?"

"Hmm?"

"Let's go on a date, you and me. A real date, like, to the movies and dinner. What do you think?"

"Lani, I really don't think that's such a good idea," I told her firmly. She pulled away from me, her eyes wide and hurt.

"Why not? I mean, the last time we were doing this, every second sentence out of your mouth was something to do with how we should tell everyone we were together, how we should shout it from the rooftops. Well, now I want to! What's changed?"

"I have," I replied quietly. "I've changed."

"Are you ashamed of me?" she asked in a whisper, her big eyes full of tears. "I mean, was it something I did, or what?"

"It's not you, it's…"

"Me. What a heap of shit. No, you wanna know what I think, Chelsea? I think it IS you. I think it's very much a you thing. I think you're in love with Raven Baxter, and you can't have her, so you think it's okay to fuck me while you wait for her. Am I close?"

Now I was crying, but trying desperately to keep myself under control. "It's not like that. Come on," I protested, but there was no stemming the flow of bile now.

"What is it like then?" she challenged me. "Because from where I'm lying, it seems very much like that IS what it's like. You're in love with her, aren't you? Just admit it, God," she'd ended on a whimper, tears beginning to spill over.

"Okay, yes. I am in love with Raven. But you know what? She's never going to want me, and I'm okay with that. I thought we were just having some fun. You had fun, right? Can't we just keep it like this? A bit of fun between two friends who like to make each other feel good… and you know how good you make me feel, Lani."

END FLASHBACK

I honestly don't know why I tried so hard. Here it was, the perfect 'out', so to speak, and instead of ridding myself of Lani, I kept stringing her along. If I was honest with myself, she was right. I WAS just using her for a fuck until something better, i.e. Raven, came along, and what I was doing was despicable, but why shouldn't I get laid? Everyone else was, and I was tired of being plain old studious Chelsea Daniels, who always got her homework done but never got her pussy licked. People forgot that I was a walking hormone cocktail, just like the rest of them.

The upshot of all this was that I got my way, and Lani kept creeping over to my house to get me off, and I'd do her, and she'd leave. And I'd feel empty, but the next opportunity, I'd be text messaging her or calling her for a booty call. It wasn't doing much for my self image, I can tell you. I don't think I'd ever hated myself more.

To make matters even worse, Lani was quite obviously making an effort for me. I pretended not to notice but I always did. She changed her hairstyle, got a manicure and a pedicure and had a bikini wax, which MUST have been painful. I can't imagine doing anything but shaving. And I noticed all the new clothes she was buying for my approval. Most of it was lingerie, some really nice stuff that made my mouth water and my pussy ache, but I found myself tuning her out and pretending it was Raven modeling for me. The times I thought of Raven while Lani and I were having sex were always the times I came the hardest, and if it was possible, I hated myself even more for it.

The more we had sex, the more I begged Lani not to tell anyone about us. Especially Raven. I was paranoid that Raven would find out and would hate me for it. I don't know what made me think that, but I felt it, it was a real fear. Maybe she'd be angry because she was my friend and I'd never told her about me and Lani. Or, maybe she'd be disgusted, because she'd been fine with my being gay in theory but couldn't handle it in actuality. And there was a tiny part of me that felt like by being with Lani, it was almost like cheating on Raven. But which ever way I looked at it, I did NOT want Raven to know.

It was a Friday at school that the shit really hit the fan. I'd actually made plans with Rae because wonder of wonders, Carlos was busy. Or so he'd said. Which meant that, being second best, obviously, I was only there to fill the gap in Raven's social calendar. I'm not really that bitter about it, I understand that was just the way things had to be. I certainly didn't want to rock the boat at that stage, not when I was so worried about what Carlos might do to her if he were provoked in any real or imagined way.

Anyway, we decided on a movie night, just us girls, and because we were in a silly kind of mood, we decided to have a Harry Potter marathon. Harry Potter's one of those things that both of us love but neither of us would admit to loving, you know? And I'm sure there's a hell of a lot more people like us out there. But anyway, we were standing in the hallway, just outside our lockers, making the plans. Basically, like we had for every other movie night in creation, I was responsible for getting the DVDs and she, chef's daughter, was responsible for food and drink.

Only, we made the mistake of making these plans just while Lani was walking past. And I didn't even think twice about it, either. It never occurred to me that what was about to happen, was about to happen. I'd told Lani so many times how I felt about the situation, that I didn't want Raven to know, and I'd kind of thought that no matter how angry we may have got with each other, that she wouldn't have gone against my wishes on that one count, you know? Like, some things are sacred, and no matter how bad things get, there are some thing you just don't do to people.

Anyway, Raven looked excited about the Harry marathon, and I was excited about spending time with Raven. We said our goodbyes and were about to head to lunch at this stage. I walked one way down the hall, and I saw Lani walking towards me. I automatically put on my Lani smile, this awkward thing that says nothing more than "I'm smiling because I have to, and for no other reason."

She smiled back, and leaned into my ear. "I'm looking forward to tonight, lover. I've been aching for you all day."

Tonight? Oh, crap. I'd told Lani we could have sex tonight.

"I'm sorry, Lani, but Raven and I are having a movie night tonight. We haven't had a chance to hang out in ages, and you and I hang out just about every day." My voice was almost pleading, I could hear it, and I hated it, because it felt like I was giving in to her.

"Yeah, that's interesting, don't you think, Chels?" she asked, mockingly. "Interesting that you should bring that up now, considering where we are, considering you never seemed to want ANYONE to know we've been 'hanging out', as you put it. Is that what we're calling it now?"

I cringed. "Can you keep your voice down, please?" I begged. She ignored me, getting even louder.

"Oh, heaven forbid your precious Raven should overhear me reminding you that we spend time together!" she said, loudly. "Heaven forbid she should know we've been friends. Heaven forbid she should know that we've kissed…"

A collective gasp went up from the gathering crowd. I saw Raven had stayed to watch the "conversation" we were having and her face was growing white. I felt my stomach simultaneously sink to my toes and rise up to the back of my throat. "Lani, please, don't…"

But it was too late.

"Heaven forbid Raven should ever find out that WE SLEPT TOGETHER!" she ended with a shriek, directing the end of her sentence straight at Raven. "Yeah, that's right, Chelsea and I have been sleeping together, having sex, doing the nasty! Did you know that, Raven? Did your best friend in the world, Chelsea, bother telling you that?"

The crowd was talking amongst themselves now, and, sick as I felt, I could see the tiny upside to this confrontation. Lani had just unwittingly outed herself, in her quest to bring me down. This was news to most of the school, including Raven. I cringed, looking her in the eye even though I wanted to run away. Expecting the worst, I was pleasantly surprised when she gave me a tentative smile.

"Look, Lani, this is a shit of a time to do this to me," I growled, turning back to her. "But since we seem to be having this conversation whether I like it or not, let me tell you a couple of things. One, I AM going to Raven's house tonight, because I haven't hung out with her in ages and she IS my best friend. Two, this jealousy thing is incredibly unattractive. Three, you're not even all that. I've had better orgasms by myself."

This, more than anything else that had been said, shocked the crowd into scandalized muttering. Satisfied, I turned on my heel and walked toward Raven, intending to explain myself. It was about time. But Lani grabbed my arm, her tantrum seemingly over for the moment, her eyes full of tears.

"Come on, Chelsea, I'm sorry. But you don't mean that, do you? We were so good together baby."

"I don't want to talk about this now, and I don't want to talk about this here," I told her quietly. "I'll call you sometime tomorrow."

I caught up with Raven, immediately apologizing, trying to get in before she could tell me exactly much she hated me for lying to her.

"Raven, I'm really, really sorry…"

"For what?" she asked. "Sorry that you didn't tell me? Because yeah, that sucks a little, but Chelsea, this is me. Raven. You didn't think I was going to make a huge deal of this, did you? So you didn't tell me, I mean, I'm sure you had your reasons."

Did I ever.

"Well, I'm sorry I kept it from you," I told her, and when we stopped walking I pulled her into a hug. I tried so hard not to be obvious as I breathed in the scent of her hair.

"You're my best friend, Chelsea, and there's no one in the world I love more than you. If you don't want to tell me something, I'm not going to force you. I just…" she trailed off, her face unreadable.

"What?"

"Well, I mean, I didn't ask you up till now because I always figured you wouldn't have any more idea than I would, because I thought you hadn't, and then now with the Lani, and I'm guessing you DO know now, so if I wanted to know I could ask you now, and I have to admit I've always kind of wanted to know, but it's not the kind of thing you'd ask your mother, and Cory always goes through the history on my computer, looking for things he can tease me about, so I couldn't look it up on the net, and there's nothing in the library that I can check out without parental consent…" She trailed off to take a breath, and I interrupted, my mind reeling from the verbal diarrhea I'd just been witness to.

"Raven, what? Just ask me!" I laughed. She grinned sheepishly and pulled me to the side of the hallway, against the lockers, and leaned in to my ear. I ignored the way it felt to have her so close to me, and concentrated on what she was saying. She'd lowered her voice to the point where I had to strain to hear her, which was a nice change from Fog Horn Lani.

"What was it… you know, like?" she asked, and for a split second I didn't understand what she was asking. The look on my face must have said it all, because she rephrased. "I mean, what did you and Lani, you know, _do_?"

"Oh," I replied, catching on. "Oh, okay. You wanna have THAT conversation. Okay. But not here, okay? Tonight?"

"Works for me," she grinned, and I swear, she was almost bouncing. If I'd have known that telling her about Lani and me would get this reaction from her, I'd have told her much, much sooner.

The bell rang for the end of lunch and as I gathered my books for my next class, I vaguely remembered that I hadn't had a chance to eat anything. Oh well, drama makes me nauseous anyway.

I arrived at Raven's house a little late, because I'd spent a little extra time making myself look fabulous. I didn't honestly expect her to notice beyond the normal friend level of "you look nice" but I felt the need to make an effort anyway.

So I turned up and rang the door bell, and she answered, and she looked… well, non verbal would be a good way to describe ME as I looked at her. She was just… yummy.

"You look great," I told her finally, when my brain and my mouth were on speaking terms again. "Really great. Did you do something with your hair?"

"Nah, I've just put some weight back on, and my boobs have come back," she laughed. So that's what it was. I hadn't let my eyes stray down there for long, I wouldn't have got them back for the rest of the night.

"And you, Chels, you look stunning! Were you planning on going someplace else after this? Because I kind of assumed you were just staying here tonight."

"I am," I reassured her, holding up my overnight bag. "That's still okay, isn't it?"

"Of course! Now lets get to it, Harry won't wait forever!"

"Oh, gross, Raven, he's like eleven in that first movie!" I nudged her playfully as we made our way over to the couch.

"Doesn't stop you checking out Hermione!" she retorted, shoving me back. I went red and she cracked up. "Ha, I got you there, you've got nothing to say to that, have you?"

"Shut up and watch the movie," I mumbled, but I was grinning, and so was she.


	6. Chapter 6

For all pertinent information see chapter one.

After the movies we went up to Raven's room and got ready for bed. Not to sleep, of course, just to lie down and talk for four hours like you're meant to do at every good slumber party!

No sooner had I settled into my side of the bed then Raven was turning to face me and asking me again, excitedly, what it was like with Lani. I blushed.

"Well, how much do you wanna know?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"What do you mean, how much?"

"Well, fuzzy water color, or scientific diagram?"

"Diagram!" she replied, and I had to laugh. Obviously, someone wasn't getting everything they needed from their so-called boyfriend!

I took a deep breath. "Well, for me, Lani was… I don't know how to begin. She taught me most of the Spanish I know that's not on the school curriculum… and in return, I taught her exactly how I like to be kissed." I could have sworn I heard a tiny moan from Raven, but told myself it was probably her just settling into the bed. "Raven, I don't know if I can talk about this sober," I whined.

She reached under the bed, rummaged for a moment and came up with an almost full bottle of tequila. "This work for you?" she asked, going back down and coming back up with a couple of shot glasses.

"You're the best, Rae," I told her, opening the bottle. The first shot burned all the way down, and we grimaced and laughed at each other. But, as is always the way, the second shot was just that little bit easier to stomach, and the third even more so. By the fourth, it was almost tasting good, and that's when I started to talk.

"Lani's a great kisser," I blurted out of the blue. I hadn't given any indication that I was ready to talk. "But I don't know what it is that you wanna know, Rae. Ask me something, I'll tell the truth, but don't make me give you Lesbian Loving 101 like some college professor!"

"Okay, well, how was it different kissing a girl than kissing a guy?"

I laughed. "It's the difference between using a loofah or a steel wool pad to exfoliate, Rae! Kissing a girl is so much better, they actually know what they're doing. And there's no annoying facial hair chafing your face. And their lips are so soft, and they smell so good… Lani always smells like fruit. I think it's her shampoo."

"Wow," Raven breathed.

"And another thing. One kiss from Lani turns me on so much more than all the drunken fumbling I ever did with Ben. One kiss from her and I'm ready to fall into bed with her… Well, until this afternoon, anyway. I didn't realize she was so jealous and possessive, and I really hate that."

"Ha, maybe I should lose Carlos and go find a girl to kiss," Raven joked, and I laughed bitterly.

"You won't dump him, Raven. You've had ample opportunity."

"Anyway, what about the rest of it?" Raven changed the subject. "What do two girls DO in bed?"

"Fingers and tongues," I told her, swaying a little. What, was I on my sixth or seventh shot by now? I'd lost count.

"Fingers and tongues?" she repeated skeptically.

"And lips and mouths and hands and soft kisses in all the right places," I breathed, getting caught up in the memory. I'd turned myself on now, and the alcohol wasn't helping matters. If we continued talking about this I just knew I was going to do something stupid…

"Show me," Raven whispered, sliding a little closer to me. I shook my head quickly to clear it, but she wasn't disappearing, my alarm wasn't going off. I wasn't dreaming, I was just drunk, and so was she. If I'd been sober I wouldn't have even considered it, but come on, this was what I'd been wanting since we were fourteen, do you really think I was going to pass up the chance? Not fucking likely.

I leaned in and brushed my lips over hers in what could possibly have been the lightest kiss in the history of kissing. This time I was sure she moaned. It was her who leaned back in and brought our lips back together, her who deepened the contact. I was suddenly just along for the ride.

And it was everything I'd imagined it to be, and more. I thought my heart would stop from the pure pleasure of it, I'd known Raven would be good, but this good was beyond my comprehension. I clung to her as she kissed me over and over again, her tongue parting my lips and brushing itself over mine. I actually heard myself whimper slightly as she finally let us come up for air.

"Oh my God," she breathed, staring into my eyes. "You're in love with me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered back, unable to break the eye contact. "I didn't mean to be…"

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I wasn't…"

She kissed me again, fiercely, almost bruising my lips. I pulled back.

"What's wrong?" she asked breathlessly.

"You're drunk," I replied, "and so am I. You have no idea how long I've wanted this for, how long I've loved you, Raven, but we can't do this now. Not like this. My pride won't let me settle for a drunken fumble, can't you see? If we're gonna do this, I need for it to be real, to be because you actually want me, not because you're drunk and I'm here. Do you understand what I mean?"

I think she did, but I had no way of telling at the time. I lay back against the pillows and felt her do the same.

"We're gonna talk about this in the morning," she told me, but honestly, I doubted if she would even remember any of this, come morning.

When I woke up Raven was still asleep, curled up in a ball next to me. It was all I could do not to kiss her right there and then, wake her up Sleeping Beauty style, but I stopped myself. If there was a chance she'd forgotten our drunken revelations last night, I was going to take it. I wanted so badly for her to figure it out for herself.

She woke gradually, her movements indicating that she was almost but not quite ready to face the day. When she finally opened her eyes, she yawned hugely and stretched, inadvertently letting me see all the muscles play under the skin of her torso. Whether or not she caught my stare is another of life's mysteries.

"Hey," she said huskily, her voice not yet woken up. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Hey."

"Uh, hey," I replied. My voice was huskier than normal too, but for entirely different reasons.

"So, do you want the shower first?" she asked, sitting up. I nodded, following her lead.

"I, uh, I had a good time last night," I fished, hoping I as being as subtle as I thought I was. She didn't take the bait, merely smiling and replying that she had too.

I took a little longer in the shower that I normally would have. I wasn't sure how to act around Raven. I didn't want to pretend nothing had happened, in case she remembered. But I didn't want to act all in love either. When I finally stepped out of the shower, dressed, she was waiting for me.

"God, does your head hurt as much as mine?" she asked ruefully. "What the hell did we drink last night?"

"Half a bottle of tequila," I laughed, relieved. She didn't remember. I was free to… well, I was off the hook, anyway, and for that I was grateful.

"So, I better get back home, I've got a ton of homework to do," I said, still smiling so she would know she hadn't been blown off. Yeah, right. As if I could possibly do homework, or anything else even remotely resembling normal life, now that I knew what Raven's lips felt like against my own.

"Yeah, that's cool," she smiled back. "Hey, Chels? We should do this again sometime."

As I was on my way downstairs with my stuff, though, I heard her on the phone. To Carlos, presumably, if the subservient tone of her voice was anything to go on. From what I could hear, she was making plans to see him later that afternoon. She didn't know I was listening, and she hung up before I came into view.

"Laters," I told her, giving her a sideways hug. "I'll see you on Monday."

"Hey, are you going to see Lani?" she asked shyly, her face turning red. "Cos, I mean, it's cool if you want to… I mean, not that you need my permission or anything, I just meant that I'm not going to be weird about it… except for the weirdness that is now… Just… okay, if you do end up hooking up with Lani today, you so have to tell me everything!"

"Okay, okay, I will," I laughed, heading out the door. I stood in Raven's driveway for a moment, contemplating what to do. Mostly I was thinking about the ache that had moved from my heart to settle between my legs, and how to relieve this ache. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Lani.

"Hello?"

"It's me, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't take us seriously, and I'm sorry I hid us from Raven. I'm not sorry for loving her though. Wanna hook up?"

"Fuck yeah I do! When and where?"

She showed up at my house within minutes of me getting home, making me think she'd been sitting waiting for me to call. But even though she pulled out her best moves, I felt… empty. I couldn't pretend Lani was enough for me anymore. Not after last night. I did my best but my heart wasn't in it, and she could tell. Finally giving up, she crawled up next to me.

"It's not working, is it," she asked, quietly.

"I'm really sorry," I began, but she cut me off.

"Look, it's okay. At least you tried. I'll always love you, Chelsea, but I'm not who you want, okay? We all know that. I'm surprised Raven herself hasn't figured it out yet. I'm not mad. I'm just sad. I'm going to go." And she left.

And just like that, it was over.

I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of the last twenty four hours, but it wasn't happening for me. In a fit of desperation, and I'll never know exactly where this impulse came from, I called Eddie. I mean, with a bit of luck, Eddie's problems with Amber will help me forget my shit of a life, right?

I couldn't have been more wrong, as it turns out. When Eddie picked up the phone, and I said hey, he sighed in a way that was clearly designed to make me ask him what was wrong. I took the bait, more fool me.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, I'm not worried about Amber not wanting me anymore," he said glumly. "Chelsea, I think I have feelings for Raven."

"What?" I screeched. "When did that happen? Five minutes ago you were doing everything you could think of to try and get Amber back, and now you've changed your mind?"

"No, Chelsea, listen, hear me out," he pleaded. "I've liked her for a while, but I guess I only just realized it… Just with everything that's been happening lately, I've been as worried about her as you have… I guess, I'm more worried than I thought. I really like her!"

Not as much as I do. And what's more, you don't deserve her, I thought, but didn't say.

I don't know how I managed to get through that conversation without giving myself way, but I did, and coming out the other end I had convinced myself to take up drama, because clearly, I was a better actress than anyone had ever given me credit for. Eddie was convinced that I was a great friend who sympathized with his new found feelings for Raven, Raven was convinced I was a great friend who shared all her secrets, and Lani was convinced that I was someone worthy of her love.

I, personally, was convinced that I wasn't hungry enough for an evening meal, and went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

Monday morning dawned bright and sunny. It was going to be a beautiful day, and I cursed whatever higher entity was responsible for mocking me in such a way. Still, I got dressed, made myself look fabulous for no one in particular (Raven! Raven! Raven!) and trudged down the path and out the gate towards school.

I didn't see Raven, or Eddie, until I got to my locker. Eddie was there, and he looked worried and love struck, another combination that closely resembled his 'vision' face. He hadn't seen Raven either, and he was worried because the bell was about to ring and she'd be late.

Hmm, I mused to myself. Worried Eddie Boring and Vaguely Irritating Eddie. But again, I held my tongue. I was getting really good at that.

Raven came running up a couple of minutes later with moments to spare until the final bell. The three of us dove into our classroom, and it was only then that I noticed Raven's latest fashion accessory. It was a large white plaster cast encasing most of her left arm as far as the elbow.

"What the fuck?" I started to ask. "How the hell did you manage that between the time I left you and now?"

"Oh, it's not what you think," she grinned weakly. "Cory and I went roller blading, and I took a corner too fast and landed on my side, with my wrist under me. I'll be fine, it was a stupid accident."

The teacher called for silence then, which put a stop to what I had been about to say. Which was probably a good thing, because what I had been about to say was loud, angry, and disbelieving. There was no way a simple roller blading accident had caused Raven's injury. She didn't have another scratch on her, like she would have if she'd fallen the way she said. Physically, the only thing wrong with her was this cast on her wrist. And I was determined to get the real story out of her.

I didn't have to wait long. I cornered her in the bathroom between classes, dropped my bombshell.

"Raven, what really happened?"

"I told you, I fell," she began, but I cut her off.

"Bull SHIT you were roller blading, Raven. Stop insulting my intelligence by lying to me. What happened?"

"Don't get mad, okay?" she whispered, resigned. I fought back tears. I knew what was coming.

"It was Carlos, wasn't it?" I whimpered.

"It was my fault!" she insisted, tears running down her own cheeks. "I shouldn't have fucked him off, yet again. And now I've upset you! I'm such a fuck up, I can't do anything right!"

"Christ, would you listen to yourself?" I snapped, still crying. "This isn't ABOUT me. This isn't about anyone but YOU, and the fact that you are LETTING him DO this to you! That's why I'm upset! But you don't GET it, do you? And you never will!"

This would have been an excellent moment to storm out, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Much as it may have been like banging my head up against a brick wall, I still felt like I had to help Raven.

"Now tell me what happened!"

"He came over," she cried. "I invited him over, and everything was fine, and we were just sitting in the living room talking. And then he saw our DVDs, and asked me what I did last night, so I told him I had you over, and he lost it."

I broke down completely. Apparently now he was using me as an excuse to beat on her.

"He was yelling about how you're a lesbian and you were probably trying to convert me, and when I told him you're my best friend and I love you, he started slamming his fist into the sofa next to my head. I was freaking out but keeping it together, you know, because at least he was pounding on the sofa and not me. But then he stood up and grabbed me by the wrist…"

"The broken one?" I sobbed.

"No, the good one." She took a deep breath. "And he dragged me by my good wrist over to the kitchen door…"

God, I didn't want to hear this, because there was a part of me that knew exactly how this story ended, and that part of me wanted to skip the sharing portion of the morning and get straight to the tears.

"And he slammed the door on my now broken wrist."

"Just once?"

"Um, more like two or three times… I don't know. I think I passed out. When I woke up he was gone and Cory was standing over me, and we came up with the roller blading thing between us."

"I'm calling the fucking police," I ground out, pulling out my phone.

"No, Chelsea, please?" Raven begged. "He's not always like this. He's usually fine…"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Raven!" I screamed at her. "You just came to school with a broken wrist, courtesy of him! You have hereby forfeited your right to control this situation! I am calling the police and having Carlos done for assault, because what he does to you is NOT okay, Raven! It's not okay! And I can't stand by and let it happen anymore!"

I called the police and reported the assault. They came down to the school pretty promptly, all things considered. I mean, you hear stories about how slowly the wheels of justice turn. Raven was required to give a statement, as I had expected. I went with her, with the principal's permission. She wasn't talking to anyone but me anymore.

Anyway, to hear Eddie tell it, we caused quite the sensation. He was sitting in class with Carlos when the door opened and a police officer stepped in and quietly spoke with the teacher.

"Alvarez, gather your stuff and report to the office," the teacher told Carlos. Eddie watched him leave. Apparently Carlos seemed pretty pissed, but I wasn't worried when I heard that. Surely the worst was over now.


	7. Chapter 7

For all pertinent information see chapter one.

As I predicted, the worst was indeed over. Sure, kids were talking about the whole thing for weeks afterwards, and teachers were going out of their way to be kind, which just made us feel weird, but shit like that didn't matter to us. There was a restraining order against Carlos Alvarez that prevented him from coming within a hundred feet of Raven, me or Eddie (in case he took out his anger on Raven's two best friends now he couldn't get to Raven).

Carlos was also officially expelled from Bayside and was now attending Jefferson, but was forbidden from participating in any sporting or other event that would require him to directly compete with Bayside in any way, shape, or form. Raven's cast was due to come off and things finally seemed to be getting back to normal. I mean, who knows? We might have even laughed about the situation, given time.

Raven was supposed to get her cast off on a Thursday morning, because that was the only time the doctor had left for that week. We'd already cleared it with the appropriate people that I was going with her, because to my delight and dismay, Raven seemed to rely on me for EVERYTHING these days. I went to bed on Wednesday night, and set my alarm for nine, because we didn't need to be there until ten.

When I woke up my alarm hadn't gone off. I groaned, stretched, and reached for my cell phone to check the time. It was only seven. I guess my body must have been used to getting up at seven to get to school. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

Raven crawled up the bed towards me, and I grinned. She reached out a hand and stroked my cheek gently, murmuring "Beautiful" quietly. She leaned in and kissed me gently, leaning her weight on her left hand as her right started to do something indescribably delicious underneath the covers. I felt my hips bucking into her hand, the traitors, and my toes were curling against my will… I gave in to the feelings as Raven brought me closer, and closer, to the edge of all reason…

I came with a gasp…

And sat up, bewildered. What the fuck had just happened? Raven had been a dream, obviously… but such a vivid dream that I'd just had a very real orgasm. That had never happened to me before. My pussy was still tingling! My breathing was still ragged, and my skin was hot. I got up and into the shower, and tried to recapture the feelings.

After succeeding (twice) I got out and got dressed. I reassured my parents that the thud they heard was me dropping something, (when really it was me falling as my knees buckled) and sat on the front step waiting for the Baxters to pick me up.

I looked hot. I mean, I always try to look nice, but that day I had tried just a little harder. I'd done my hair the way Raven always says she likes… she calls it princess curls - big and loose at the top but falling into gentle ringlets around my shoulders. And I was wearing a new denim mini skirt with a deep blue blouse, and Raven's favorite pair of my shoes. I wasn't sure what I was trying to prove, but I felt a little better about myself knowing that I looked nice.

I had about half an hour to kill though, so I decided to call the one person who had more experience in the sex area than I did – Eddie.

"Talk to me," he greeted cheerfully.

"Hey, uh, Eddie, it's me. I need to ask you something…"

"Go on," he prompted.

"Is it possible for a girl to have a wet dream?"

I think he choked on his Lucky Charms, or whatever other disgusting concoction he was eating for breakfast. "Are you trying to tell me you just had a wet dream?"

"I don't know. I mean, I guess so… how do you know? Cos I had this dream, and in the dream I had an orgasm, but then I woke up, but when I woke up I was really having an orgasm… does that make sense?"

It took him a while to pull his tongue back out of his throat, because clearly he'd swallowed it when I mentioned that I'd had an orgasm. Visual images, you understand. "Sounds like a wet dream to me," he squeaked. "What were you dreaming about?"

"None of your business," I told him, primly.

"Celebrity, or someone you actually know?"

"Someone I actually know," I muttered.

"A girl?" he teased, and I had to laugh.

"Hello, still gay?" I reminded him. "Of course it was a girl."

"And it was that good, huh? So what are you going to do now?"

"Nothing, I thought. What can I do?"

"Well, is this dream an isolated incident, shall we say, or did you have feelings for this girl before the dream happened?" Jesus, when did EDDIE become all wise and all knowing?

"Well, it's not the first time I've dreamed about her… but it's the first time a dream has ever made me come," I admitted, feeling my face turning red. I could hear him stifling a laugh on the other end of the phone, and I wanted to hit him. This was embarrassing enough.

"Maybe you should tell her how you feel," he suggested, and for a split second I freaked out that he knew who I was talking about. Then I told myself that that was impossible, and began breathing again.

"I don't know. It could be the easiest way to social suicide."

"Or, you could end up with a girlfriend. Think about it, Chelsea. What have you got to lose? Right now, you've got no one, except for Lani, and any fool can see you don't want her. You could end up with the girl of your dreams, literally."

"I'll think about it," I told him, before hanging up.

When the Baxters pulled up outside my house I was practically shitting myself. I'd decided that I was, in fact, going to tell her today… when the right moment came up… but I still had no idea how. I figured it would come to me.

The doctor said only one person could come with Raven to actually take the cast off, and I got up without a word. Her parents didn't protest, they knew what Raven had been like lately. I followed her into a little cubicle partitioned off with a curtain and we sat down to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

We'd been waiting for about fifteen minutes when I realized that this was a prefect time to tell her. We were all alone, and we were sheltered from view. Once we got home she was going to have both parents fussing over her. Who knew if we'd get a chance like this again?

I took a deep breath.

"Raven… Shit. I don't know what I'm doing…" I trailed off, wishing I had figured out what to say BEFORE opening my mouth.

"Just tell me, whatever it is, it can't be that bad," she said, encouragingly.

"I have feelings for you," I blurted defiantly. "I have more than friendly type feelings for you. I have the kind of feelings that evolve into love, for you. I love you."

She looked at me blankly for a second, to make sure I had finished with my little bout of verbal diarrhea, and then, the most beautiful words in the English language came from her perfect lips.

"You know what, Chels? I think I might, too."

We talked about it for a while, though. I told her I'd been harboring feelings for her for five years, almost, and she told me she wasn't offended or anything, just needed time to sort her thoughts out. Time that I was more than happy to give her. We heard the doctor approaching finally, and smiled at each other.

I took her good hand in both of mine and brushed my lips over hers gently, sitting back in my seat just as the doctor pulled the curtain aside.

"Well, well, now, what do we have here?" he asked. He was a kind looking guy with white hair, looked to be about sixty or so. We both instantly liked him. He was very gentle with Raven's wrist as he removed the cast.

In the car on the way home, it was decided that Raven wasn't going to school at all that day as she needed to rest her wrist, and would I like to stay home with her? I didn't need to be asked twice. We stopped at my place so I could grab a couple of things, and headed back to Raven's. We went up to Raven's room and sat on the bed, leaning back against the pillows. I was determined that things shouldn't be weird between us while I was waiting for Raven to figure out if she wanted to be with me, so I sprung into organizing mode, asking what she wanted to do, if she felt like DVDs or what.

"Actually, I'm kind of starving," she admitted. "I couldn't eat last night… I was freaking out about having the cast off. Stupid, wasn't I? He was so nice. But anyway, I'm dying of starvation…"

"Say no more," I said in my best super hero voice. "I will procure snacks for you! And here I go!"

I ran downstairs and asked Mr. B if he would mind fixing Raven some lunch.

"Sure thing, Chelsea. Can I get you anything?"

"Oh no thanks, it's okay. I'm not hungry," I told him. He shrugged and went on putting a plate together for Raven. I took it up to her and she fell upon it, eating as best as she could with her weakened left hand as well as her right.

"Don't you want any?" she offered with her mouth full. I shook my head.

"Not hungry thanks, your dad already offered." She took shrugged and went back to eating. I put her Mean Girls DVD on and sat back with her to watch it.

"Wanna play a game?" she asked.

"What kind of game?"

"Not really a game, I guess," she laughed. "Just point out the ones you'd do. I will too, okay?"

"Raven, there's only like three guys in this movie," I warned her.

"It's okay, I mean, I should get used to looking at girls, right?" Before I had a chance to ask her what THAT loaded statement meant, the movie came on.

Raven spent the whole movie pointing out girl after girl and asking me if I thought they were hot. I responded with a lukewarm "Kind of" to most of them, although Janice Ian was fine! But finally I'd had enough of the weirdness, and I called her on it.

"I just figured, if you and me, if we, you know, hook up, and we're together and shit, that would make me a lesbian, right? And it's not like there's anything wrong with that, but I guess I figured I should start trying to look at girls that way, if that's how things are going to be."

I sighed. "Raven, that's not what this is like, at all. Do you like me?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Are you attracted to me?" I held my breath after this one. What if she said no? She could love me and not be attracted to me like that…

"Yeah, I am," she responded shyly. My heart skipped a beat.

"And do you want to, you know, do stuff with me? Like, kiss me and whatever?"

"I guess I'm kind of still working up to being okay with that, but there's a part of me that wants to, so bad…"

"Then, don't you see? Nothing else matters at all. I like you, Raven. And you like me. And we happen to be two girls but that's SO not the important factor in this equation. It's… it's secondary. The only thing that matters is each of us has feelings for the other."

"So I don't have to automatically be attracted to these chicks you're drooling over?" she queried.

"I wasn't drooling! And no, if you're not into them, you're not into them."

"Thank god, because they're all dogs compared to you." She snuggled into my side while my brain was still processing this bit of information.

The next day at school, everything was normal. Well, as normal as normal had become for us. We met outside the school and walked in together, and laughed together as people whispered behind their hands about how Carlos had treated Raven, and my part in the whole saga. My favorite rumor was the one where I'd kneed him in the balls. I wish I'd thought to do that myself! Oh well, hindsight's 20/20. As we headed toward our locker the whispers seemed to die down, and we met up with Eddie. He smiled when he saw us, but it was a weird smile. Like, he was happy to see us, but also upset to see us. I figured it was because of his feelings for Rae.

Suddenly Raven stiffened. I froze, thinking she'd seen Carlos or something, but when I looked at her, she had her vision face on. Thank god for that, I thought, because she hadn't had a vision for months. I had no way of knowing what she saw, but whatever it was, when she came out of it she looked shell shocked.

"What did you see?" Eddie asked her.

"I don't know," she said, unsure. "It was… I don't know. It was awesome."

This was a little too cryptic for my liking, so as soon as I could that day I pulled her into the bathroom (déjà vu anyone?) and asked her what exactly she had seen.

"Raven, what did you see this morning?"

"Um… don't get mad?" she asked me. I started to worry.

"Why would I get mad?" I asked back. She blushed, and leaned in close to my ear, as if we were going to be over heard.

"I saw us," she whispered.

"So?" I asked, confused.

"Chelsea, think. I SAW us. I saw US."

"And?"

"Good grief. Chelsea, I saw us DOING stuff."

And then it clicked. Raven had had a naughty vision about us! Progress!

"How… um, I mean, what were we doing, like, how far had we gone?" I asked, blushing madly myself. I don't know why, it wasn't like I hadn't been there and done all that a hundred times before.

"I think we were just kissing, and, you know, touching… a little… But you know my visions, girl. I don't know when it was, or where, and for all I know we could have just… you know."

This was a lot to take in. "What were we wearing?" I asked, hoping to determine if it were today that this had taken place. Raven blushed even harder.

"Not a lot," she admitted.

The bell rang before I had a chance to react, and she hurried out of the bathroom and down the hall to class. I ran after her. The fact that she was so skittish about even talking about these sorts of things didn't really bode well for our relationship. She clearly wasn't ready.

I, however, was no stranger to thoughts such as the ones she'd just had. When the bell rang for lunch I gathered up my books and made my way to the door. Raven came up beside me, smiling. "Hey, girl, you wanna come have lunch outside today?"

I froze. "Um, actually, I have to go to the library right now. But you should go eat with Eddie, ok?" I gave her hand a small squeeze and hurried off in the opposite direction. I wasn't going to the library, though. I went to a mostly deserted girls bathroom on the second floor and, checking it was empty, locked myself in a stall.

I sat down on the closed toilet seat and let my mind wander. Spanish, History… wondered what Raven and Eddie were having for lunch… my stomach let out a little gurgle at this last thought, and I grimaced. Then I let myself think about what Raven could have seen. Doubtless, it had been tame enough that it hadn't freaked her out completely, but I didn't know what she'd seen. So I figured it'd be okay to just sort of conjure up a vision of my own, so to speak.

Before I knew it my 'vision' had turned X-rated and my hand had snuck its way inside my pants… I wasn't thinking about what I was doing, just thinking about what Raven and I could be doing… and it was almost a surprise to me as I came with a gasp all over my hand.

More of a surprise, however, was the voice that spoke as soon as the ringing in my ears had calmed down enough for me to hear.

"Chelsea?"

Holy fuck. It was Lani. How had I missed her coming into the bathroom?

"Chelsea, I know what you just did," she told me, and even from inside the bathroom stall it sounded suspiciously like she was grinning.

"I'm just sitting here," I lied, badly. I heard footsteps coming closer, and they stopped outside my door.

"I know what those noises mean, Chelsea. I've heard them a hundred times before. I've been the cause of those noises, as often as not. Let me in."

Blushing furiously, I leaned forward and opened the door. She came in and shut the door behind her.

"Look, don't be ashamed of it," she said softly. "Raven, right? Chelsea, it's okay. I know how you feel."

How could she possibly know how I feel about Raven? "How could you possibly know how I feel about Raven?" Hello, Flo.

"Because it's how I feel about you," she whispered, leaning in to kiss me gently. I let her, for a couple of seconds, then pulled away.

"I can't," I breathed. "Raven and I are… not really anything yet but kind of something possibly, and I can't do anything to fuck that up, Lani. If you truly know how I feel, and if you really love me, please, please don't fuck this up for me. Let me be happy."

I saw tears shining in her eyes as she backed away and leaned against the door. "I promise," she sniffled. "But… can I just kiss you one last time? Properly, I mean… just for old time's sake?"

I stood, pinned her to the door and kissed her. Like she said, it was one last time. And it was a toe-curler. When I finally released her, I gently pulled her away from the door and unlocked it.

"Goodbye, Lani," I whispered.

Barely holding back my own tears, I ran to find a quieter bathroom to cry in.


	8. Chapter 8

For all pertinent information see chapter one.

Eventually, of course, I had to go back to the real world. I did my best to hide the fact that I'd just spent the better part of an hour crying over someone I wasn't even in love with, but Raven saw right through me, as all good friends are supposed to do. All afternoon I watched her shoot concerned looks at me, and finally she tossed me a note, asking what was wrong.

In the interest of honesty, because I was serious about not fucking things up with her, I told her what had happened between Lani and myself in the bathroom. Of course I left out the part where I got myself off thinking about Raven! But obviously, the version I gave Raven was enough to satisfy her, and she seemed genuinely sympathetic. I think that made me feel worse.

It was a strange feeling, to be truly rid of Lani. That's a horrible way to put it, but I mean it in the nicest possible way. When we were together the first time, she was all I thought about, when I wasn't thinking about Raven. And then when we broke up, it wasn't truly like being rid of her, because every time I saw her I felt the pink elephant effect. You know, there's a big old pink elephant in the corner, but no one's talking about it because they think if they ignore it it'll go away? That's the way I felt around Lani in that in between time.

When we were together the SECOND time, I found it hard to focus on Lani because of all the turmoil going on with Raven, and that's when she began to feel like a stone around my neck. She was someone I went to for sex, but then as soon as it was over I wished she didn't exist again. And it's a horrible thing to say, but it's true in a way. I was messed up, and she paid the price, I guess.

And that brings me to the present, when I was almost, tentatively with Raven, and Lani still almost felt like that stone around my neck. Until the incident in the bathroom, all our goodbyes had been like so much bird song – they didn't really MEAN anything. The goodbye in the bathroom had something that all the others had lacked: finality. It was finally over between Lani and I.

But where did that leave me? I'll admit it. I had been hedging my bets. I was really in love with Raven, and I freely admitted it to myself, and to Lani, but I used Lani for sex because I knew I couldn't have Raven in that way. So now that Lani was a thing of the past, I had to content myself with either my fingers or nothing until Raven was ready to go there with me. It was a series of events that was beginning to drive me crazy. I was even considering going on the Internet and trying to find someone, a random anyone, to get off with, except that my new vow of honesty towards Raven would have never let me get away with it. Curse my conscience. Kill the cricket!

It was a Thursday after school when Raven and I were walking home that things began to change. We had been talking about nothing in particular, school and families and stupid things like that, and when we reached her house I made as if to keep walking down the street and around the corner to mine. But she stopped, stood in her doorway and called me back.

It was the strangest thing, standing in her front doorway with her in that moment. I can't describe it. I just knew things were about to change.

"Look, Chelsea… you've been so good to me, my whole life, but especially this last couple of months… I don't know what I would have done without you."

Probably died, I thought to myself and mentally crossed myself. That was a horrible thought and I was ashamed of myself for even having it.

"And this last couple of weeks… you've been so patient with me while I've been figuring my shit out… and I figured it was time I gave you an answer."

In true Flo style, I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. Regarding our tentative relationship, I thought she'd already GIVEN me an answer: yes. I thought I was just waiting for her to come to terms with the physical aspect of the relationship we were embarking on. Turns out I was wrong!

"Chelsea… yes. My answer is yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I want to be with you. Yes, I want to kiss you, and do things with you, and be seen with you, and yes, I want to be your girlfriend. Is that okay?"

It was more than okay! It was everything I'd ever hoped for. I leaned in gently but then thought better of it, thinking it would probably be better if she made the first move.

And she did! She closed the distance between us and sealed our lips together. I nearly passed out right then and there… it was everything I remembered it being from that drunken night, but more, more because I knew Raven was doing this of her own accord and not because she was drunk out of her mind. That fact in itself was worth more than all the kisses in the world.

But the kisses were pretty fucking brilliant too.

It was almost an hour later that I finally headed for home, my eyes slightly glazed and my panties slightly wet. I let myself in and went straight up to my room, waving distractedly at my parents. I threw myself on my bed and sighed happily. Everything was coming up Chelsea.

But then a thought struck me, and suddenly I didn't feel so happy. Eddie. It wasn't that long ago that he'd come to me and confided that he had feelings for Raven, and here I'd just spent an hour making out with her.

I couldn't believe this was the first time he'd occurred to me, in the two or three weeks she and I had been tip toeing around things, but it was, and now I didn't know what to do. Someone was going to end up pissed off, or hurt. If I told Eddie about Raven and me, he'd be hurt and angry, feel betrayed by me, who was supposed to be his friend. But if I told Raven about him having feelings for her, I risked ruining their friendship. And if I did nothing, that made me a liar, and that was not something Chelsea Daniels aspired to be.

After long moments deliberating (okay, I made a snap decision, sue me) I picked up the phone and called Raven.

"Raven, we need to talk."

"Didn't we do that already?" she asked, confused.

"What? Oh. No, we talked about us. We need to talk about Eddie."

"What about Eddie? He'll be sweet, he's not homophobic or anything like that."

"No, Raven… Eddie has feelings for you," I blurted, feeling sick. She didn't respond for a long moment, and I thought she'd hung up. "Raven? Raven!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here," she said, distractedly. "Eddie? Likes me? Since when?"

"Since a couple of weeks ago," I admitted, feeling sicker. Was I going to get busted for not telling her?

"Oh, shit."

Neither of us spoke, now. I guess we were both lost in our own thoughts. Mine were along the lines of how I'd just been given the most brilliant gift in the world, Raven's love, and I was going to lose it over Eddie…

"Raven, if you want to reconsider this… us… I'll understand. After all, your life would probably be easier if you were dating him, rather than me," I said, hating every word. But Raven laughed! "What's so funny?"

"Me and Eddie?" she giggled. "Girl, please. I love Eddie, but he's not my type, okay? It'd be about as appealing as sleeping with Cory. Eddie's one of my best friends and it's going to stay that way. Just because he had feelings for me, doesn't mean I have to return them."

My whole body had slumped back on the bed with relief. I guess this meant I was in the clear, right? "He's not your type? What exactly is your type, Raven?"

"I like red heads with yummy little butts and breasts I can't keep my eyes off," she laughed. "And in case you're wondering, you're the only person I know that fits that description!"

Wow. I didn't know what had happened to make Raven so confident, but I liked it. I really liked it. And now, the only problem was…

"Eddie," I sighed. "What are we going to do about Eddie? We can't keep this, us, from him. It would kill him to find out by walking in on us or something, or even worse, to find out through the grapevine. And you know it doesn't matter how careful we are, it's bound to happen sooner or later. We have to tell him ourselves, before this goes any further, to avoid him getting hurt, Rae."

"I think he's going to get hurt either way," Rae mused. "But you're right, of course. We should cool it for a while, at least until we tell him."

"Does that mean we can't kiss?" I asked, feeling a little panicky.

"Yeah, I guess it does."

"Let's tell him now," I suggested hurriedly, earning another peal of laughter from Raven.

"No, you idiot!" she laughed. "Tomorrow morning is soon enough. But what are we going to tell him, exactly?"

"We'll think of something," she decided. "Hey, Chelsea? What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing much, why?"

"Well, it's just… my parents are in New York for dad's work, and Cory's at a friend's place for the night… I'm home alone, and I feel kind of weird about it. Can you come over?"

"Yeah, no problem," I replied, jumping off my bed and starting to throw a few things into an overnight bag. "Did you wanna study or something? Cos I could bring some books if you wanted, you know, because we've got school in the morning and all…"

"Chelsea, I highly doubt we'll be doing any study tonight," Raven said, almost seductively, in my ear. I almost dropped the phone.

"I'll be right over," I squeaked, hanging up the phone and running.

When I got to Raven's house, I don't know what I expected. Candles and Barry White possibly. But of course, she hadn't done anything of the sort. She greeted me at the door with a bright and perfectly normal smile, and gave me a hug. She took my bag from me and we went into the living room and sat down on the sofa.

"So," I began, not knowing what to say, how to sit, where to put my hands. I'd never felt so uncomfortable and unsure around Raven, and I gotta tell you, I wasn't loving it. But she came to my rescue with a sweet kiss dropped on my lips out of the blue. I smiled, and leaned in for another.

I could have quite cheerfully traded kisses with her all night. Our sweet, short kisses had graduated into the long, wet, intimate kind, and I was mentally thanking God for everything I had. Then Raven pulled away.

"Are we going to do this all night?" she teased, and when I snuck a look at the clock I saw more than an hour had passed. We were really going to have to work on our time management!

"Do you, uh, not want to do this all night?" I asked, unsure again.

"I'm not saying this isn't fun… because this is great, Chelsea… I'm just saying, it's not the only thing we could be doing…"

Shit! Did she mean sex? I didn't know if I could handle having sex with Raven, the day she tells me she's finally ready for kissing! This was too fast… this was betraying Eddie… this was Chelsea beginning to hyperventilate…

"Chelsea! Breathe! I just meant we could watch a DVD and snuggle, or talk, or something."

Oh. "Oh." Cool. "Cool."

She had Pirates of the Caribbean, and even though it's an old movie and we've both seen it about a hundred times, neither of us ever gets sick of it. We curled up together under a blanket Raven produced out of nowhere (so maybe she HAD been planning something!) and watched it. For about twenty minutes. Then, surprisingly, it was she who made a move. I thought it would have been me! But no, it was Raven turning to me and guiding my lips down to hers.

"Chelsea," she murmured when we parted.

"Yeah," I breathed.

"God, it feels like someone's turned a light on," she whispered. "Don't get me wrong, it's hardly like I've never been kissed… But I finally get it. Before you, I always thought of kissing as something to pass the time before we had the sex. But with you, it's like… even just kissing you is more rewarding than all the times I had sex with… him. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," I repeated. "I know what you mean. With Lani, kissing was just a means to an end, right? Whereas I could kiss you until the cows come home, and then when they came home, I'd be like, 'What are you doing, you stupid bovines? Can't you see I'm kissing Raven?'"

She giggled. "So, um," she began, then trailed off.

"Um…" I prompted.

"I just wanted to kiss you some more," she laughed. I grinned.

"Then shut up and do it!"

The movie was swiftly forgotten as we lost ourselves in sensation. We kissed, once, twice, a hundred times, I don't know. And I don't know how it happened, but I was lying on top of her, with her head resting on the arm of the sofa. And she didn't show any signs of stopping, which meant I had to. And I really, really didn't want to. But I did.

"I don't want to have sex with you," I blurted. Raven went white – well, as white as her beautiful caramel colored skin can go. I realized what I'd said and hastened to backtrack.

"I mean, I DO want to have sex with you… I just think it would be a really bad idea if we do it RIGHT NOW. Cos, like, we'd be rushing it, and…" I trailed off. Flo had my brain in her evil grip again.

"Chelsea, I don't want to have sex with you either, right now!" Raven said, the color returning to her cheeks. "I just wanted to do a little more than kiss. Just a little."

Oh. Oh! "What did you have in mind?" I asked, deliberately lowering my voice seductively. She grinned.

"Close your eyes."

She pushed me back on the other arm of the sofa and climbed on top of me, but didn't do anything else. I kept my eyes closed, reasoning that if she HADN'T lost her nerve, opening my eyes now would probably do it for her. Then I felt something wet on my neck… she was dragging her tongue from my collarbone to my ear, and I couldn't help but let out a long, low moan.

Raven giggled, which almost spoiled the mood, until she moved back down to my collarbone and kissed it… a kiss which turned into out and out sucking. And then there was a hint of teeth, just enough to make me cry out… This had to stop before I lost what little control I had left. I opened my eyes and pulled away from her wonderful mouth, applying my own lips and tongue to her ear lobe. A little variation couldn't hurt, right?

Raven was letting out a series of delectable little whimpers that were doing nothing to calm me down. I moved my attention from her ear to her neck, licking down to where she'd done up all but the top two buttons on her blouse. Daringly, I undid another button, and traced a path with my tongue to the small patch of skin I had uncovered. I kissed her there, then brought my mouth back to hers. She kissed back hungrily.

"I think maybe we should stop," I panted when we separated, both breathing heavily. "Cos as fucking fantastic as this is, we're kind of going too fast…"

"Yeah," she gasped. As our breathing returned to normal we slumped in each others arms, just holding each other. And as intense as our making out had been before, this was, in its way, just as nice. It was very nice.

The problem looming on the horizon was telling Eddie about us, and then having to deal with the feelings of betrayal he was probably going to feel. Especially towards me, seeing as I was the one he confided his feelings for Raven in, and then I turned around and made out with her.

But all this paled in comparison with how right it felt to hold Raven and to fall asleep with her in my arms. It was a feeling I wasn't prepared to give up easily.

It took me longer than normal to fall asleep, due to the fact that my brain was frantically scripting out any number of encounters with Eddie. That's the problem with interactions with other people, you can script yourself until you're blue in the face but there's just no predicting exactly how the other person will react. These are the times I almost wish I had Raven's visions.

Finally, I convinced myself to let whatever happened, happen, andslipped into a somewhat turbulent sleep.


End file.
